Thursday, March 10, 2011

Too Long

i waited too long in between posts. especially because for the past week there has been a lot that has happened. i was going to sit down and write a little bit about each of those things, but today all my mind can think about are my friends lisa and josh husmann. i am sure that you have all been reading their blog and praying for them. and i know that you have read my posts about my friendship with lisa and how we have come to be friends...through our kids, charlotte and jaxton. my heart is breaking today. at 8:05pm last night (3.9.11) God took jaxton back home. i have no idea why! i have no idea why God did not heal jaxton. i have no idea why God is asking my friend to face this life without her baby. yesterday sucked, today sucks! i have said it before..i wish i didnt know lisa because that would mean our kids would be here and be healthy. i totally wish neither one of us knew the pain that we both have now. yes, i am very thankful to have lisa in my life, but i would prefer it the other way around!!! i cant hep but feeling some of the same feelings that i have felt over the last 8 weeks come rushing back. God, why our kids? God, i for real cant do this for my self...i dont have anything to do/say to help someone else through this. God, i didnt ask for fact it has been the complete opposite. God, we asked for miracles and it feels like You keep saying no.

now, i realize that most of these things are coming from my emotions and are not always an accurate guide, but again, today sucks and i am sad and i am upset! i think that about covers it! maybe i can tell you about some of the other things from the last week tomorrow...i need to at least write about my tuesday.

please pray for lisa and josh as they grieve for sweet baby jaxton. please pray the God gives me something useful to say or do to be a true friend to lisa right now...that i wont project my hurt onto her.

Psalm 31:9 "Be merciful to me, Lord, for i am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief."

John 11:35 "Jesus wept"

here are a few pics of sweet jaxton from when i was out there last week. the first is from jessie, an awesome photographer and friend of lisa's, the rest i took. mine are a little fuzzy because i didnt want to use a flash...he is so cute!!!

blessings, ALo

ps. this is a song that i have been playing a lot. the lady that wrote it also lost a child and this came out of her healing. Desert Song, by Hillsong

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