I Wonder...

...how old Charlotte will be when i get to see her in Heaven. i first mentioned this to lisa last week and it came up in conversation again today with my dad-in-law. i mean, i know and i am excited about the fact that when i see her she will no longer have turner's syndrome, or a cystic hygroma, or any of the other things that made her leave me too early. i know that she will have a perfect body, but will she be a baby? will we all be the same age in heaven? i got teary thinking about it today, because i know that when i get there it wont matter. but it does matter to me. i long to see her and know her every little freckle and count her eyelashes as i rock her to sleep in my arms and, more than anything, to feel her heart beating in her tiny chest. it makes me sad to think that maybe that wont happen. we all know that i am not good with the "not knowing" thing. not knowing what my baby looks like right now is hard for me. thinking that i may not get to be a mommy to Charlotte the way i have envisioned in my dreams is hard. maybe my praises for God will include that. God has promised us the desires of heart...this is mine...maybe it will finally come true in Heaven. that is what i am hoping for!