Thursday, January 8, 2015

Dear Charlotte

Dear Charlotte,

Four years ago today we saw your sweet face for the first and last time here on earth. For months after you were born I was so sad, depressed, heartbroken, beat up from loosing you. I wanted you so badly from the very first moment I knew I was pregnant. The first time I heard your little fast heart beat at 7wks, I was totally in love with you. Later, when we found out you were sick, I pleaded and begged God to heal you, to "fix" you. I wanted you with me until I was old and grey.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, had a much better plan for you. Today, we are celebrating what would be your 4th birthday with us. But, sweetie, I know that you get to celebrate everyday. You are perfect in Heaven. You are whole, healthy, and clothed in righteousness!

I will be honest. Charlotte, mommy misses you, very dearly! I will never stop celebrating your birthday, and I will always remember all that you did to change my life, your daddy's life and the lives of so many others. You made me a mommy...you made me a mama bear in preparation for your little sisters. I know that the last three years I have used the weeks leading up to your birthday to be used for sadness and hurt and pain. I even told your daddy and others that I get a free pass to be mean and angry and on edge because of the pain in saying good bye to you much too soon. But this year I am really trying to choose joy. Joy in knowing that you are exactly where we should all want to be. Joy in knowing that you are exactly as God created us all to be...pain and sin free living with Him in celebration. I am choosing joy knowing that not every part of your life was sad...there are several people here who will meet you in Heaven one day because of your legacy and the impact it had in showing God's true character and love for them. I am choosing joy because of who you helped/are helping me to become. Your life will always be so much more than the moments surrounding my pregnancy and labor and delivery. But even those moments are sweet and part of your story...if i choose to see those.

Charlotte, yes, you will see mommy cry today. I will cry tears of different kinds...missing you tears, happy for you tears, telling your little sisters about you tears, wishing i could hug you tears, tears when i sleep with your blanket in stead of you tonight, love you forever and forever with my whole heart tears. But I promise to bring honor and glory to God in each moment knowing that because of Him I am blessed to call you my daughter, my sweet angel girl.

Charlotte, happy 4th birthday!!! I wish you were here helping me make you spaghetti and meatballs birthday dinner. I wish you were here to enjoy your birthday cake and some balloons. But I know that you are in Heaven dancing and singing and I can't wait to get there and join you!! You bring me so much JOY!!! I love you, Charlotte Jean!!!

xxoo, mommy

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Christmas Time is Here

Well, life has been crazy! Not in a bad way, but not always in a good way either. Anyway, you have probably seen all that has been going on in our lives via Instagram/Twitter/Facebook. Its so much easier to post a quick photo than to sit down and write a blog post ;). but today I'm writing to share our Christmas card. Im sorry if you didn't get one this year. We didn't loose love for you, we just cut way back. We went from 117 cards last year to 75 this year. And if you know how big my family alone is, that almost 50 cards!!! WOW! But I know we all love getting those picture cards and I wanted to share our Christmas Joy with you.

God has truly blessed our family. We know that without Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, we would have very little to celebrate and be thankful for. I know that many struggle this time of year, finding joy in the midst of hardship can be very difficult. Having faith that there is more to life than presents, stressful family gatherings, and kid temper tantrums, and even sending out cards makes this season special. Knowing that we are loved so much that God would send a baby to save the world...a peaceful baby, meek and mild, to give us the hope of more than we could ever ask or imagine. I pray that each of you would find the hope that only god can give through the celebration of His Son's birth.

This Christmas I am praying for a few of my friends who are spending this Christmas without a special loved one, please join me as I know this may be a difficult Christmas.

Rachel Kelly in the loss of her sweet baby Annie a few months ago.
Lindsay Puder in the loss of her daddy about a month ago.
Elizabeth Crook in the loss of her grandfather last week.
Ashley Ridge in the loss of her daddy yesterday.

But we are thankful knowing they are all rejoicing and truly enjoying this Christmas in Heaven with Jesus!

So, here is our card! I love it and many thanks to my amazingly talented friend, Christie Lacy Photography, for the pictures and the cards...they are pearlized and kind of shine in person ;) Im learning to really love glitter now that i have 2 girls and everything is COVERED in pink or glitter!! lol

Merry Christmas!
front


back


blessings, ALo

Sunday, November 9, 2014

fall in houston

its finally cooling off here...FINALLY!!! and by cooling off, today was 76, tomorrow is 80, but then the end of the week the highs are around 65. houston weather is seriously crazy bipolar!! but, our amazingly talented friend Christie Lacy got some awesome fall pictures for us almost two weeks ago. she has this great little park that we go to and no one has ever been around or bothered us. if you follow me on social media you have seen three of the pics. i am debating on how many christmas cards i really want to send out this year, but i will do a few, so some of you will see these in card form in a few weeks.

these pictures are by far my favorite that Christie has taken for us. it was pretty warm (82ish), just before dinner, and there were lots of mosquitos. not to mention the girls turned 20 months today, which means they are super mobile, vocal about what they want or don't want, and they have the attention span of a gnat. we are so blessed to have a high school friend/mentee that has started helping us out twice a week, so she was there to help wrangle kids/change clothes/grab attention/apply bug spray...thanks Breton!!! anyway...i loved that Christie didn't worry about posed pictures. these are my favorites because it was real life...laughs, lots of running, goldfish eating, giggles with daddy, a few tears, but over all shows how we all interact with each other. these girls are animated. they are serious characters in their own way. you will see, even in these pictures, that claire is bossy, loves to be in charge, loud, and acts a lot like mommy. annabel is sensitive, somewhat emotional and reserved just like daddy!

if you are in the houston area and need a fantastically talented photographer to capture your family, you have to contact Christie!!!

enjoy these...maybe help me decide what to put on the card. (ps. these are a few of the 72 that she sent me!!!)

Claire in mid "bull in a china shop" run

this is a typical expression for a lot of things, but i am pretty sure she was concerned about a bug here.

the moment Daddy got there and they saw him come around the corner. priceless

sweet annabel. she really wanted her minnie mouse

too many caption options. 

claire keeping us all entertained, I'm sure.

maybe if we throw them around they will stop fussing for a bit.

"WWWWEEEEEEEEEEEE"

daddy's girl (1 of 2)

every kid is infatuatied with their nose, right??!! Annabel was signing and saying "mo, mo" more, snacks dad!!

seesters

oh my...A, are you flipping Christie off??!!??

perfect...nice and naughty!

sweet girl, annabel

love

how are they so big already???

momma's girl (1 of 2)

melt my heart

<3 td="">

my loves
blessings,
ALo

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Timehop

timehop, you get me every time. usually my posts from a year ago are little twin pics. 2 years ago i was posting pregnancy cravings and twin prego pics. 3 years ago i was blogging a lot! 4 years ago my little bro was living with us, so that was always interesting. 5 plus years ago, i was working like crazy on building my clientele and busy being a wife to my hunk. (ps. if you don't know what timehop is...its an ap that connects with your social media outlets to give you a recap of what you posted exactly that day a year ago all the way back as far as you posted).

two weeks ago on timehop i saw my first post about "babyLo"...i announced our pregnancy with Charlotte. the thursday before my 28th birthday i heard her heart beat for the first time. i was 8 weeks pregnant. i was elated, over joyed!! nothing was "off". peter and i left that appointment with tears in our eyes bursting to tell the world.

today i got this on my timehop: "annoyed...didnt get to have the ultrasound bc the highway was shutdown while we were on it! not cool!!" looking back i remember being so disappointed. we were glad that we were safe...the highway was shut down due to a fatality, but we had been gearing up for this other first with our first. now, i know that God gave me another week of the joy. the next week we went in for the ultrasound and our world changed forever.

you know the rest.

usually i love timehop. i wonder though if i should just not look for a few months to spare myself the emotional roller coaster it may put me on. the last time we..., the day we found out..., God why..., all of the things that i posted in fear, pain, grief.

its amazing all that has happened in the last 4 years. i am not sure that i would even recognize that young woman from 4 years ago. i wonder if i would be anything like i am today if it were not for our short time with Charlotte. would we live where we live? would i know what i know about life? would i love my hubby the way i do today? most likely no. while i often look back over those few months with sadness and grief, but i have been blessed...richly, abundantly, beyond measure. i was broken, beyond human repair. but God has used me. God has healed me. God has brought me back...beyond where i ever could have gone without my time with Charlotte. my whole life was turned around and i can't be sad about that. i miss Charlotte, some moments more than others, but i know she's holding my spot for me in heaven...i can't wait!!

so, heres to the silly posts of 5+ years ago, the emotional and grief stricken of years 3-4 (ago), the excited and weird posts of 2 years and the adorable ones from last year. time passes much too quickly so i will relish the times and thank God for each of them...a reminder that "(His) love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me"-Jesus Culture.

tonight i will sleep and probably dream of my angel girl...i think her hair is the same color as the twins by the way...thats what it is in my dreams.


blessings,
ALo

Thursday, October 30, 2014

so exciting!

today i did a little bit of baking. i had been looking forward to this little gig for so long!! i met bridget through our church just before i got pregnant with the twins. bridget was also struggling with unexplained infertility. the journey sometimes feels so lonely and bumpy and hard, so meeting bridget was good for me. then i got pregnant and she did not. i felt bad. she did not make me feel guilty but i knew how it felt. i knew what she was going thru and i hated to make things worse. so, we kept in touch but only here and there. i knew she read my blog posts but i didn't want to make things harder for her. bridget and her husband went through many treatments and procedures and struggled with what God wanted for their family. fast forward several months...bridget is pregnant!!!!!! praise the LORD!!!!! she texted me a few weeks back asking me to make her a cake...a gender reveal cake. AHHHHH!!! so exciting!!! bridget and her hubby had an ultrasound but did not find out in the room what the gender is, but they know their baby is healthy and everything looks great. she did bring me an envelop so I know!! :) i am not sure when they will be cutting into the cake, but i am so excited to have been asked to be a part of their excitement. i am thrilled for bridget to be a mommy, especially after her long hard road to get here. please join me in praying for bridget, her hubby and baby! pray that God will continue to give them all health! here is just one pic of the cake, but no giveaways...not until they get to tell their families!!


i love helping and blessing others!!!

blessings,
ALo

Saturday, October 18, 2014

so sore

holy smokes. I'm going into week 3 of a 21 day fix by beach body. to say i am sore is definitely an understatement!! if you don't know much about this program, you should definitely check it out, especially if you have extra weight that has been stubborn in coming off! i have more than a few pounds to loose, so i am going to be doing this a few times. usually at this point (2 weeks) of a diet/eating plan/whatever, i am totally over it. thankfully the only thing that i am really struggling with/missing is sweets. lets be real, if you follow me on social media, you know that i am a hobby baker...it even pays sometimes. its not helpful though when there is little to no room for sugar in my diet. even my coffee has had to change! so, quickly, this plan is all about eating the correct portions of the right foods and pairing that with adequate water in take and at least 30 min of exercise. lucky for me, the plan included several 30 min workout videos (it even tells you which days to do which workouts). to maximize your results, they suggest upping the workouts to two a days at week two. i have started doing that (thankful that my mother in law has been in town so that i can actually work out during the day and not wait until 8pm) and let me tell ya, they pack some serious workout into those short 30 min!!! i love it! well, i hate the workout during those 30 mins bc i have sweat dripping into my eyes, i can't breathe, and every muscles is shaking from exhaustion, but the feeling after is great! and seeing the numbers drops on the scale and my pants getting loose is worth every minute of pain! if you are interested, click the link. if you have more questions, let me know! i will be starting another 21 day challenge Nov. 3...just before thanksgiving.

http://www.beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/dlsmith0314

a little more background. i used to intern at a church in naples, florida where i met Lauren (Nolton) Smith. lauren is now married and mom to cutie, elliot. lauren started posting last month here and there about her challenge and her results. she also posted her husbands progress. both have been athletic and in shape, but with jobs and baby and life, each had gained just a few extra pounds. when i saw that lauren had lost several pounds and even more inches, i was intrigued. then i kept hearing of others who had done a challenge and had great results. i have 25 pounds that i would like to loose by the girls 2nd birthday and thought this would be a great thing to try to get things going. the first week of my challenge was hard for me. i am/was COMPLETELY out of shape and WAY over eating. my body had to go through withdrawal and shock for a few days. now, i am feeling so much better!! its crazy!! i feel kinda weird carrying my colored containers into restaurants but it works!!! plus, i am still eating real food, including carbs, so i don't feel deprived!

i have nothing to gain here...i am not a rep, or trying to sell you, etc. just wanted you to know what I'm doing and tell you something that is super helpful for me. if you do want to start let me know, i would love the support/accountability and you will need it to as you get started! :) if you are on it or have done a challenge, send me some recipes!!!

i can't wait to post before and after pics!!

here is a pic of each girl from yesterday. annabel is in a serious teething funk so she hasn't been in the mood for pictures this week. claire, well, she is just as animated as ever...per usual! :) they both keep me on my toes!!!

Annabel, just before she started crying...again! :(

Claire tried feeding this fake dog. so cute!!! 
thanks Little Eclectic House for letting us snap (try to snap) a few pictures!!!

blessings,
ALo

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Knocked the wind out of me

hi. my name is aimee and i used to blog.

so, i had been inconsistent and then i took a 1 year and 1 week break. there are reasons, nothing major, other than people stealing my kids pictures...idiots!! people, DO NOT steal my pictures, its rude and totally creepy!!! the other reason was i just didn't feel like sitting down and blogging for a while. i started my blog for me in the very beginning. then i blogged our pregnancy with Charlotte. then i blogged about our infertility issues and then my pregnancy and birth of our sweet twins, Claire and Annabel. at the time i quit blogging they were 6 months old. i can't believe it, but they are already almost 19 months old! so my blog had transformed into something i didn't really enjoy. i needed a break from it, to miss it and want to do it again.

so, here i am. my blog is entitled Alo's Place. this won't always be about my girls, it won't always make sense to any one but me. i need this to be my outlet...my processing spot. so, feel free to keep reading...or don't. its up to you. but either way here is my blog...

yesterday was a weird day. one of those days where grief creeps in and knocks the wind out of you. its been almost 4 years since we had Charlotte. four years!!!! thats just crazy to me. well, yesterday was one of those "normal" mondays in our house. i only do home hair on mondays (its gross to have hair all over my house with 2 toddlers more than just one day) so i was busy with people in and out, taking care of the girls, making dinner, etc. i really didn't have much time to think. when i sat down after putting the girls to bed, i sat down to respond to an email from a recent baby loss mom i have met through my blog. i was recalling so many things of our last days with Charlotte. typically, when talking about "our story" i am very factual, i rarely think about or explain the emotions. for some reason, last night was all emotional for me. that got me thinking about everything. i realized it was 4 years ago to the day that we found out we were pregnant with Charlotte. that gave me a huge smile. thinking back to before i had any fear of pregnancy, anxiety of doing something wrong, just pure joy in being pregnant. i was ELATED!!! i was so excited to tell Peter. i mean, we were pregnant after our first "try"!! (which is what made our journey for Claire and Annabel so confusing) anyway, that made me start thinking about it all. how our joy was stolen and our dreams for our daughter were crushed after our first ultrasound. our life took on a whole new meaning that day. then again on january 8th, i became a baby loss mom and had to leave the hospital with out my sweet girl. just typing that again brings me to tears, for the 2nd time in two days. the grief creeps in. my throat feels tight with tears.

of course God knows my heart, He knows my pain. last night, in the midst of my grief, my husband was there. he held me and let me cry. he let me talk and weep through it. we both miss her so much. we wondered how different it would be with Charlotte here...bossing her little sisters around. there is not a day that goes by that i don't wish things had been different, that i don't miss my baby girl. but this is our life...this is part of our story and sometimes there are parts that still hurt. sometimes the grief still knocks the wind out of me.

feels good to blog. thanks. also, i am sure there are plenty of grammatical and spelling errors, and i know i don't capitalize...i choose that. these are my vents and i will type as fast my fingers will let me with zero regard for rules!

blessings,
ALo

ps. i know a couple readers reached out (***Rachel :)***) and some of you found this through a search (usually my post on nuchal fold test). if you want to follow me on Instagram and see pics, just request me, its private..again because people are rude and steal images of my kids and pretend my kids are theirs...creeps!! my instagram name is aimlo. Facebook is Aimee Loeser. i will post a few pics here, but i need to figure out a watermark first.