Sunday, May 20, 2012


its sunday night and i am supposed to be packing, but i am procrastinating!! but i cant wait to get to michigan and spend the next full week with my whole family!!! i have missed them so much!

tonight, i need you to be praying for my (second) cousin mitch. mitch fell off a two story building today. i do not know what he was doing or what happened. i do know that he was taken by ambulance to a hospital in kalamazoo. he was talking but bleeding from his ears. his brain scan came back clear, but he has a punctured/collapsed lung, a broken rib, and a chest full of blood. he was having a hard time breathing, so the doctors put a tube in his chest to drain the blood in his chest. he will obviously be in the hospital for a while i am sure!

please be praying for mitch! please pray for his wife (they are newly-weds, by the way) lauren, for his whole family!!!

if i hear anything else, i will keep you updated!

blessings, ALo

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

T Shirt

i can now compare my cervix to a stretched out t-shirt. at least according to the doctor that performed my dilation yesterday. thank you for the prayers yesterday! they are all greatly appreciated. i spent the morning at my friends robin and blake's house doing hair for a few people. i was busy enough that i did not have to focus too much on what was happening later in the day. when i got to the appointment i was really nervous and sweating...great! then my boss called me. poor guy...i may have started crying on the phone! lol!! he handled it well. told me i would be fine, said he would pray for me, then had his wife text me. :) anyway. what was supposed to be an in and out, wham bam thank you ma'am, kinda thing took forever because i had to wait so long for the doctor. waiting was not helping my nervous or my sweating. oh well.

the procedure was really not all that bad, and thankfully i had been prepped to take some tylenol before i got there. they dilated my cervix using what looked to be a metal prodder...super creepy! it basically just stretches my cervix out to make more room for "the little guys" to get through when it is time. it creates a bigger pathway for better flow. they are thinking that my cervix was too tight, or too closed to let the sperm get through with out tiring themselves out/giving up. i am still not clear as to how it all works, but when i asked how my cervix would stay dilated for the next two weeks as needed, the doctor said to think of my cervix as a t-shirt. when you pull and stretch a t-shirt, it stays stretched out until you wash it again. my cervix will stay stretched out until it is washed again??!!?? uh, ok. not really sure what that means and i didnt ask any more questions. i just went with it!!

after the dilation, i was feeling a little crampy, so i came home and laid on the couch for a little bit. i wasnt feeling too bad after a bit, so i got up and got ready for a friend/coworker's baby shower. after i had been at the shower for a little bit, i could tell that i needed more meds, because i was getting uncomfortable and a little nauseous. the doc had warned me that the cramping might feel like the early stages of labor...waves of intense cramps. yep, got that and had to leave in somewhat of a hurry. on the way home i had a little bit of an emotional breakdown on/with my friend, christie (who i called by her last name for some reason and it was a little awkward! blaming it on the hormones and emotions!). by the time i was home i was a ball of cramps, bloating, sweaty, emotional mess. i should have probably stayed home and skipped the shower, but i guess that would have been too easy. plus, that is just who i am.

today, i am feeling better. still not 100%, but lets not forget i am on my period too...yeah dilated on day two of my period...really gross and super awkward. so, some of my cramps are normal. i have not felt the need to take any medication today, so that is good. emotionally, i am a lot more stable today. procedures, and the anxiety of procedures make me emotional. baby showers make me emotional. the start of my period makes me emotional. so it is no wonder i was over the edge yesterday. but all because of prayer and awesome encouragement, i made it through!

yesterday i just kept thinking and praying over a few scriptures that kept coming to mind:
philippians 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

matthew 6:25, 27, 33-34 therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own.

i am claiming matthew 6:33-34 this month as my verse. in fact i have it framed and just hung it on a kitchen wall. i will show you a picture in our house video...still on production! :)

DONT WORRY! it doesnt help!

blessings, ALo

Monday, May 14, 2012

Quick Prayer

really quickly...i am going to have my cervix dilated today at 2:45pm. i had to have it done between days 1-5 of my cycle. when i called, today was the only day they could do it.

i am a little nervous, but mostly grossed out. i know that this is what they do, but still.

please pray that i am not too uncomfortable after the procedure. i have a lot to do this weekend, including going to a baby shower tonight. please pray that this is a helpful step in us becoming parents again.

i will give an update later...maybe tomorrow.

thanks so much!! have a great monday!

blessings, ALo

ps. i did a video tour of our home...i will post that this week! :)

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Not So Joyous

to baby loss moms, especially those of us who do not have any kids here on earth, mother's day is hard. really hard. to those with kids, i can imagine that it is still hard thinking about the children that should be here celebrating you. i have been thinking about mothers day all week. with my job at the church, i will be busy most of the day, hopefully that will be a good thing. for baby loss moms, a day that should be bright, exciting, and all about us becomes grey, lonely, and all about what/who we are missing. mothers day is awkward. how do you respond? how do you talk about your angel babies without making people feel uncomfortable? do you stand in church to be recognized? do you say thanks? see...just awkward!

for baby loss moms who are facing their first mothers day: i am sorry. i know this is hard! i remember feeling all the fear, anxiety, sadness and jealousy.

for baby loss "mothers day veterans": will it always be hard? does it hurt less when you have kids next to you on mothers day?

i was really hoping to tell everyone this weekend that we were pregnant...i was hoping that would help me this year. maybe soon!!

i will be praying for all baby loss moms. praying for peace that passes all understanding. praying for comfort from the only God that knows what it feels like to loose a Son. praying for grace when responding to unintentional insensitivity. praying for healthy and helpful love and encouragement from friends and family. praying you experience true joy when thinking of your child, perfect and healthy, in heaven celebrating you and all that you did for them.

happy mother's day! you are loved!

blessings, ALo

Friday, May 11, 2012


i have been sitting with the computer open on my lap, trying to come up with something to write, for the last 40 min. my minds wanders...

its been ten days since my last post, and while i have been SUPER busy, i dont feel the need to write it all down and tell it all. work has been busy (crazy just before camp), home hair has been busy (just before summer vacations) and our social life is getting full (grad parties and parties before we scorch here in tx.). but today is one of "those days". i am not sure why i have had (what seems to be) more "off" days. maybe it is not more, i am just more sensitive. maybe it has something to do with hormones. maybe it has something to do with the time of year, i really dont know.

this morning we found out we are not pregnant again this month. i tell myself that i will not get too disappointed. that we are doing everything that we can each month. that there is nothing more that we can do right now. but, i think that is why i do get upset. because we are doing everything we can. that there is nothing more that we can do right now and it still is not happening. this morning i cried and prayed. i asked God to show me something today that would encourage me. i prayed that He would give me peace in the midst of uncertainty. i prayed that i would give up this "we" notion and rest more in Him.

so, i have been sitting outside. watching. thinking. praying. waiting. it is nice here today...not too hot or humid (at least not when the outside fan is on!). i have seen some beautiful butterflies visit our tree with purple blooms. i have seen some little birds. i have felt the breeze. all reminders that God is creating life and still in control. reminders that it is not all about me and my plans.

**side note: i am tired of hearing from people (who usually do not understand and/or have 3+ kids) that it will happen in God's timing. I KNOW THAT, but that does not always make me feel better!

ok, back to me sitting here... :)

the butterflies love this tree today!

this is called a butterfly bush. love it!

i still think of charlotte when i see butterflies, and i think of the awesome ceremony my mom held in memory of Charlotte this time last year with butterflies. it has been encouraging to see (at least 6) butterflies while i have been sitting out here this afternoon. another reminder that God loves me and wants to encourage me. to keep me going...!

hope you find some encouragement to keep you going today!

blessings, ALo

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May Day

at least that is what i call today. when i was little we had a fun little tradition on the first day of may. my mom started it with us when we were very little (as early as i can remember) and we did it annually! we would make little cones out of wallpaper samples and fill them with fresh flowers and a ribbon hook. we would then make the rounds to the older ladies in the church. we would place the flowers on the door handle, ring the door bell and run! i LOVED it and still remember it like it was yesterday. i know we were "caught" a few times and the look on those little ladies' faces were priceless. who doesnt love flowers? especially flowers with a little card from a 5 year old. my mom was always teaching us to do sweet things like that for people. i really wish i had a picture of us doing, do you have any?

well, today i started the tradition again. i had to revamp it a little, but i still get so much joy giving flowers to women to are so deserving of some spring joy and brightness. i bought some bouquets of flowers, cute vases from the dollar store, ribbon and hand written notes. thankfully my handwriting has improved over the past 25 years. i still had so much fun delivering the little may day surprises! seeing the smiles and excitement from my co-workers (the ladies of the church) was so great! peter did help me a little last night and we cant wait to share this with our kids in the years to come!! here is a picture of one of the may day bouquets!

the quote says "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” C.S. Lewis

do you have any spring traditions?

blessings, ALo