"so, are you back to normal?" along with "so, how are you feeling?", these are the questions that have come up the most the last few days. i am never sure how to answer these questions. the short answer is no, i am not back to "normal" or whatever you think that is and to be honest with you i am not feeling that great. sure, physically i am doing good, but mentally and emotionally i am a mess, even if i dont always show that to everyone. here is how i really want to answer those questions...
cut off your finger, pick a finger any finger, and it will gush and it will hurt like the dickens. slowly the bleeding will start to slow and will scab, but there will be a pain, a dull throbbing pain. sometimes, as we all know, scabs get pulled off and the wound will seep and try to heal again. eventually, months down the road, the stub that used to be your finger will have new skin that covers the wound but it doesnt look quite right. there will be nerve damage at times and there will of course be scar tissue. now, you are learning how to use your hand missing a finger, an integral part of your hand as a whole. you will learn to live and thrive after rehab, but still might have times of pain or discomfort. every time you look at your hand it is a reminder of what your hand is supposed to look like, what it could be. what used to be normal will not be normal because your hand is not the same. your life will not end, but it is different. people may not notice right away that there is something different, but you know, you will always know and feel that missing part of you.
that pretty much sums it up. we have to find our new normal, which can take a very long time. we are missing a big part of our heart. right now the pain is intense and makes us cry...for me that happens daily right now. i am praying that the pain will dull in time, but i know that we will never forget our Charlotte Jean. she has left a huge imprint on our lives and the loss of our sweet baby could take us a long time to go from a gushing wound to a scar with a dull ache.
Psalm 6:2-4 "Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? Turn, O lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love."
thank your for your prayers as we are learning on this journey!
blessings, ALo
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What a wonderful way to explain it. Thank you for your honesty!
ReplyDeleteAimee... words don't express, but know my heart still prays!
ReplyDeletegreat analogy! continuing to pray... love aunt pam
ReplyDeletemy heart is still broken with you.....amazingly pure and tearful explanation...thank you for sharing my sweet, honest, incredible friend...
ReplyDeleteHi Aimee...I saw a post from you on Natalie's blog and wanted to send you a note. I will add you to my prayers! I lost my first pregnancy, identical twin girls, due to complications from Turner's Syndrome at 13.5 weeks. It was much earlier in the pregnancy than your precious Charlotte, but the pain was unbearable! Unfortunately I had to have a D&E and was unable to see my babies. You will cherish those moments with her forever! I now have 5 children and they know about their sisters in Heaven. We hang an ornament on the tree each year and I have a scrapbook with ultrasound pictures, cards, etc. She will forever be a huge part of your life! I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. I truly believe that my loss is what brought me to know Jesus as Saviour! Stay close to Him. He will carry you through!
ReplyDeleteLove in Christ, Kelly
Sending you lots of prayers...I read your post on Faces of Loss. I am always sad when I see a new post...I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Charlotte. My daughter Ryan Elizabeth was born into heaven on Novemeber 9. The pain is still fresh. It's a hard road.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story.