Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Hard Day

tomorrow we have our follow up appointment. it has been a whole month that i have been on the hormones. thankfully, most of the side effects of the meds have warn off. i no longer get the headaches as much (maybe once or twice a week instead of daily), no more constipation (i way upped my juice plus and my water intake), and my water retention is pretty well back to normal. the only things still lingering are the hot flashes. HOLY SMOKES!!! so, as previous mentioned i am a sweater, but these things are awful!! i have heard my mom and some of her friends mention them, but i had no idea! i even get them at night...i wake up and i am drenched, the sheets are wet, my pillow is wet, etc! my poor coworkers are probably so tired of me saying "i am soooo hot!" or anything else along those lines. sorry guys! 

this week is a little intense! i have both real hormones and fake hormones running through my veins...over load! this is leading to a few extra hot flashes, but i was also on emotional overload sunday night and monday. poor peter took the brunt of all of that. i apologized. he said it was fine and he understands, but it is still hard to know what is going to trigger my little emotional outbursts sometimes. on sunday night, we had just come back from a mini vacation to san antonio. it was so great to get away for a few days, to see peter's family, and to have some great food that i didnt have to cook! but i also knew that i was not pregnant and going to start my period monday morning (by the way, that meant that the hormones had not changed my length of cycle yet. guess we will figure that out tomorrow). i got upset knowing that by not being pregnant this month, i will not have a baby this year. i will not have a baby by Charlotte's birthday. i might be pregnant by both of those times, but i will not have a baby. i got really upset. there were lots of unhealthy thoughts that were going through my head, and i shared them all with peter (thanks, hun) and he calmed me down. we are both disappointed but we still know God is in control. we wish we knew a little bit more of His plan. maybe we will get a little more insight tomorrow at the appointment. 

i guess this is still hard. i still miss Charlotte. in fact, i would take Charlotte over anything else any day! i would take JUST Charlotte over having more kids. i miss my baby everyday, but sunday night that missing hurt really bad. 

i will let you know how tomorrow goes...what the doctors say. 

wanna see a pic from san antonio? 

do you like how we match? my fault, but not planned! :) anyway, we loved san was just what we needed! 

blessings, ALo

1 comment:

  1. You look smokin' girl!

    I have had SO many of the same feelings about being pregnant. Sometimes I find myself counting. It was incredibly hard learning I would never be able to share a pregnancy with my mom on this earth. But God knows our hearts, and He does take care of us! I will pray for you!