Hannainee

hebrew word for "here I am".

i learned this word this weekend from our awesome pastor and his wife, mark and laura. they did an awesome job bringing the message together! but ever since saturday night, when peter and i went together, i have been thinking about hannainee, here i am. am i? am i saying that? or am i saying, God where are you? am i expecting God to just say "ok, i get it, everything will be perfect now." am i allowing God to use me and mold me and show me all that He wants for me? am i relying on Him or on myself? i would love to say that it is always easy for me to trust God, but sometimes its not. in my darkest hour(s), who am i looking to? i know that He is always there and that He is always guiding me, but that does not mean i always take the right action steps. God has me where i am for a reason and i need to say HANNAINEE. here i am!!!! 

so, after the weekend, as i was still processing all that God was telling me through His word and mark and laura's message, i was able to go meet baby Thatcher. i was a little nervous about all the emotions that i might feel while i was there. i didnt want to freak eric an whitney out by asking too many questions, or crying, or whatever might happen. i told myself to take it easy and just prayed for wisdom and discernment. the last time i was in a NICU i was hanging out with Jaxton and lisa and josh. to say that it brought back a few emotions would be an understatement! this NICU was so different than Jaxton's room, so that was kinda weird, but good for me at the same time. i got to have some really good conversations with sweet whitney and eric. i was also able to just pray over baby Thatcher for a long time. robin and i were there for almost 4.5 hours...it went so fast and i felt a little bad having stayed so long. Thatcher had an ok night. he "destated" several times, especially during his feeding and one major one as they adjusted his cpap machine. major meaning he was not breathing at all for several seconds, was completely blue, and his stats were not at a good level. sometimes he destats because even though he is breathing, he is not getting good breaths. sometimes it has to do with his reflux issues, and sometimes they are not sure why he stops breathing. Thatcher is already a miracle baby. to see him pulling his neck up and fighting with his mom is cute in a way. he can grip her finger and move his tongue all around his pacifier. he can open his eyes and make little noises...all of this they were told he would never do! as i watched whitney and eric last night, i could tell they were living the hannainee. in their darkest hour, they are trusting God to use them. they are trusting God to use their son. there are several other babies and families in the same NICU pod and they all know Thatcher as the miracle. they are all watching to see what God does next in his little body to show that He is in control. i prayed on the way home for encouragement for whitney and eric. i know those days can be very hard and very long. i know that it is not easy to live the hannainee, but they are, and they are doing it well! 

please continue to pray for Thatcher. he is making some strides, but his little body is still so confused about some major things. please pray for more answers and a clear plan of action. please pray that he will be able to successfully make the switch from cpap to nasal cannula. please pray for medicine to help with seizures that are not too much sedation for the rest of his body. please pray for God to continue to do miracles in Thatcher's life to bring others to a relationship with Him. 

me and thatcher, 3 weeks and 2 days! he was up to 6lbs and 13oz last night!

i hope that as we are getting ready for easter you are saying Hannainee, here I am!

blessings, ALo

ps. i will blog more about it later, but i am surviving on the hormones. peter may not agree, but whatevs! :) thanks for the encouragement!!