Email

the following is the content of an email that i JUST sent out to the awesome staff i work with at COF. i love having coworkers that pray for each other.
hey guys

i know that everyone has a lot going on and needs of their own, but if you could just say a quick prayer for me. i am really struggling today with self doubt and anxiety. peter and i are in the midst of month 2 of some pretty intense hormone treatments and i am not not faring well emotionally today. i know that God has perfect timing and i should just relax and trust...easier said than done today. 

i would love if you would pray and believe with us that this is the month that God chooses for us to become parents again.

thanks. 

aimee (and peter) loeser


part of my issue is that i am exhausted...i have been crazy busy the last two days. so i am just worn out in every aspect. when that happens i tend to start over thinking, and letting my fears/emotions/crazy side get the best of me. either way, today is turning into a hard night. yes, i know that this is nothing compared to what some people face and are going through. but tonight, i am being honest and asking for prayer. i am scared and hurt and utterly confused (and totally whacked out on hormones!).

so, thanks in advance for praying with us and against what satan is telling me tonight.

blessings, ALo

Slow Down

so, admittedly, my life has been crazy busy the last few weeks! peter and i have had 6 different people in our house over the last 4 weeks. we love to have people here to visit, and all but one didnt really need to be entertained. well, come sunday afternoon, all our guests were gone with no one else on the calendar to visit. :( i was a little sad, to be honest. but, knowing that i will be going to michigan in a few weeks to see the rest of my family is so awesome! so, i have decided to slow down a little bit. i feel like between visitors, my (basically) 3 jobs, volunteering, everyday house duties, and trying to have a baby, my mind is going one million different directions and my car is going hundreds of miles. yesterday alone, i drove over 150 miles.

this week is crazy...i am already a little over booked. next week i am taking care of some sweet kids while their parents take a much needed and deserved vacation. but i am promising myself, and peter, to slow down and take some time for myself and for us after the family gets back. i am going to get a pedicure, celebrate my friend rachel's b-day with some girl time, take my hubby on a date (maybe even an overnight one!), and just relax!

last thing...i weigh less today than on the day i got married. woohoo! AND i havent had any new side effects from the new drug this week. i start the other new one in a few days. i have been graciously warned by a few people to be certain to take it at night so as to avoid serious nausea and vomiting. if nothing else, i might loose a few extra pounds if i do get sick, right???!!!?? but seriously, check out http://AimeeLoeser.bodybyvi.com/ if you want to know how to get on the program, or contact me. maybe i wont feel like a whale at beach camp with our students in a few weeks!

here are a few pics from when my mom and little bro were here last weekend. my house seems really quiet with out nate and his turkey call! ;) my mom came to be a part of the mother/daughter event i was planning and nate and peter went on the middle school boy camp out. so fun!!! the pics are from dinner. nate begged to go to chuys...no complaining from me though!!

nate is probably 4 inches taller than me...he sat on a stool for this!

love them both!! 

glad we got a least one good one. she is so amazing! i would be lost without her!!

have a great week!
blessings, ALo

Pill Popper

want the update from todays appointment? keep reading! if not, see ya later! :)

so, i went back to see ms. trudy (the endocrine counselor at my doctor's office). last week i had to have some blood drawn to test my progesterone during days 21-23 of my cycle. today, i got those results and the plan of action. so, the progesterone needs to be above 15 to be "normal", mine was 11.8. the bare bones bottom is 10. so, i have too much man hormone and too little female hormone. awesome!! so, today she prescribed prometrium 100 mg to be taken days 16-30 (or until i start a period, this will hopefully prolong my cycle). this is basically progesterone in pill form. she also has me starting on serephene on days days 4-8 of my cycle. this is to help ovulation, not so different than clomid, just more mild. both have similar side effects as the other drugs i have been one, which i will still continue. so, we are up to 5 hormones/steroids, a pre-natal, and 12 juice plus capsules (4 of each) each day. my counter looks like a pharmacy! trudy also suggested that peter start a few new vitamins to help him...she called it a joint effort, she didnt want him to feel left out in the pill popping department! :) so kind! he is going to start taking 40-50 mg of zinc to up his sperm count, 500 mg vitamin c and 400 iu of vitamin e both to up sperm motility.

here's the plan: take all the meds, "try" days 10, 12, 14, 16 of cycle and pray. if we do not get pregnant this month, peter will have to be "tested" and i will also have to have my cervix dilated (could be too tight to let sperm in). if we do not get pregnant in may, i will have to start follicle searches (sounds creepy and probably is) and injections of hcg (hormone). if we have two follicle searches and round of hcg (that takes us to august) and still no pregnancy we will have to make some more serious decisions (IUI, IVF, etc.). we are also looking into how much insurance will cover depending on how far and much we have to do.

i have faith that God is going to make this all very clear and easy! peter and i have lots of reservations about ALL of this. we will have to do plenty of evaluations if we even get to the point of injections. yikes! thankfully, our doctors are not pushy, strong christians, and also want the best for us. i know that everyone has different opinions on what is or isnt ok as far as fertility. we know that God will make it all very clear for us!

please pray for us as we start some new treatments! pray that peter can continue to handle me! :) please pray that he takes to the vitamins without an issue. he is so awesome and willing to do anything to help us have our family. please pray that i do not have too many side effects to the new meds and mixed the existing meds. of course, both of the new meds have hot flashes listed...GREAT! i will be sweating continuously!! in all seriousness, please pray that God would open my womb and allow us to get pregnant this month. please pray that things would be abundantly clear and stress free for peter and me.

thank you so much for all the prayers and encouragement! i will keep you posted on how things are going!

blessings, ALo

Hard Day

tomorrow we have our follow up appointment. it has been a whole month that i have been on the hormones. thankfully, most of the side effects of the meds have warn off. i no longer get the headaches as much (maybe once or twice a week instead of daily), no more constipation (i way upped my juice plus and my water intake), and my water retention is pretty well back to normal. the only things still lingering are the hot flashes. HOLY SMOKES!!! so, as previous mentioned i am a sweater, but these things are awful!! i have heard my mom and some of her friends mention them, but i had no idea! i even get them at night...i wake up and i am drenched, the sheets are wet, my pillow is wet, etc! my poor coworkers are probably so tired of me saying "i am soooo hot!" or anything else along those lines. sorry guys! 

this week is a little intense! i have both real hormones and fake hormones running through my veins...over load! this is leading to a few extra hot flashes, but i was also on emotional overload sunday night and monday. poor peter took the brunt of all of that. i apologized. he said it was fine and he understands, but it is still hard to know what is going to trigger my little emotional outbursts sometimes. on sunday night, we had just come back from a mini vacation to san antonio. it was so great to get away for a few days, to see peter's family, and to have some great food that i didnt have to cook! but i also knew that i was not pregnant and going to start my period monday morning (by the way, that meant that the hormones had not changed my length of cycle yet. guess we will figure that out tomorrow). i got upset knowing that by not being pregnant this month, i will not have a baby this year. i will not have a baby by Charlotte's birthday. i might be pregnant by both of those times, but i will not have a baby. i got really upset. there were lots of unhealthy thoughts that were going through my head, and i shared them all with peter (thanks, hun) and he calmed me down. we are both disappointed but we still know God is in control. we wish we knew a little bit more of His plan. maybe we will get a little more insight tomorrow at the appointment. 

i guess this is still hard. i still miss Charlotte. in fact, i would take Charlotte over anything else any day! i would take JUST Charlotte over having more kids. i miss my baby everyday, but sunday night that missing hurt really bad. 

i will let you know how tomorrow goes...what the doctors say. 

wanna see a pic from san antonio? 

do you like how we match? my fault, but not planned! :) anyway, we loved san antonio...it was just what we needed! 

blessings, ALo

Inspiring

so, i have read all the magazines, seen the commercials/ads, and watched plenty of workout dvds. i want to know why i think that those ladies are normal! ok, so i know that (as previously posted) i am mostly man, but i sweat SO MUCH!! like buckets! i am sweating just thinking about sweating (thank you hormones!). ok, but for real. when i work out i look nothing like the ladies that are in the media ads, etc. they all have perfect hair, mine stands on end. they have perfectly matching and pressed outfits, i am lucky if there arent stains from hair color on my shirt. they are perfectly poised while working out, i am hunched over panting. there is maybe a slight glisten on their forehead, i look like i jumped in a pool with my clothes on! but, somehow, i think i might be the more normal one. when i look in the mirror after a hard work out, i hope to see very rosy cheeks, dripping hair, a wet tshirt, and a smile because i know that i just killed it! so, here are so "encouragement photos" these are after only a 30 min. elliptical work out with my friend, becca. imagine what it is like on a hard day!

holy sweaty! my face is still read after almost 30 min!

even butt crack sweat...yep!

shouldn't this be an ad??!! :)

i would like you to meet my new friend, becca. we met a few months back, but just started getting to know each other more recently. becca is funny (like hysterical!), loves to have fun, sweet, and loves middle schoolers (crazy, right? we have so much in common). becca is a school teacher and a fantabulous volunteer for our youth ministry. becca and i met at the gym yesterday to have a chat about the body by vi challenge (what a great place to meet to talk about weight loss!) while we were there, i asked becca a little bit about her amazing story. short version of the story is that becca has lost 120 pounds in less than 2 years! holy smokes! if you ask her how she did, she will say it was all about changing her eating habits. yes, she does work out. in fact, she usually does 2 a days in the gym (starting with a 5 am workout), but the work outs were not the biggest reason for her weight loss. becca's story and determination was so encouraging and inspiring to me!! she is a real life biggest loser! she uses her life story to encourage her students, her friends, and her family to live life to the fullest with no excuses. becca writes about her journey on her blog...check it out, send her some encouragement. becca will be starting the body by vi challenge next week...i cant wait to see how that works for her! :)

this is becca's before and after so far. AMAZING!!! yes, that is the same shirt!

ok, so in case you are not on instagram here are a few pics from easter, but i am also showing you a pic from morgan's wedding and christmas...can you tell a difference? ps. i started another challenge this week and i am down another 3 pounds! 

good thing you cant see my waist, oh wait, there isnt one, just several chins!

this is our christmas pic, i thought it was great. i was at my biggest...just over 215 pounds and wearing maternity clothes all the time, even though i was not pregnant! at least my hair was trying to cover my chins! 

my sweet friend, robin. love her. and me in a bright sweater on easter sunday!

saturday night easter service with my hubs and "fake sis" maggie!! both this navy dress and the floral dress above are the ones i bought 2 years ago and can finally wear again.

splurged on tex mex! love these people so much!

ok...go get sweaty!! in fact, come to my house and help lay sod grass today (friday 4/13, oh my its friday the 13th!!)...its going to be a GREAT workout!!

blessings, ALo

It fits!

so, i bought two really cute dresses 2 years ago for easter/weddings/whatever. they are both cute and classic, so when i bought them i thought "awesome, i will be able to wear these for a long time." well, then i got pregnant. then i got fat. i have not been able to wear either of them more than twice. UNTIL NOW! i tried both of them on this morning and they both fit! probably even a little better than when i first bought them!

after trying on the dresses, i knew that it was time to pull the trigger on something i had been debating on. i decided it was time to become a distributor for body by vi. if you have been following my blog at all, you know that i have been doing the 90 day challenge. i drink 2 shakes a day and eat a sensible meal. in the beginning i was also working out a lot, but i have had a major mental set back in the gym. anyway, over the last (just over) 3 months, i have lost 30 pounds! WHAT???!!!?? i was skeptical in the beginning with body by vi, but it really is as simple as following the directions.

i dont ever want to be a crazy sales person, but i am proof that this works. not only that, but my doctors are encouraging me to continue. if you want more information, please contact me. you can also go to my page Aimeeloeser.myvi.net. i can help you get started any time. if you would like to try it first, just let me know! :)

guess i need to take a picture this weekend in my dresses...be looking for those! maybe i will go buy myself a new pair of shoes as a reward! :)

blessings, ALo

Hannainee

hebrew word for "here I am".

i learned this word this weekend from our awesome pastor and his wife, mark and laura. they did an awesome job bringing the message together! but ever since saturday night, when peter and i went together, i have been thinking about hannainee, here i am. am i? am i saying that? or am i saying, God where are you? am i expecting God to just say "ok, i get it, everything will be perfect now." am i allowing God to use me and mold me and show me all that He wants for me? am i relying on Him or on myself? i would love to say that it is always easy for me to trust God, but sometimes its not. in my darkest hour(s), who am i looking to? i know that He is always there and that He is always guiding me, but that does not mean i always take the right action steps. God has me where i am for a reason and i need to say HANNAINEE. here i am!!!! 

so, after the weekend, as i was still processing all that God was telling me through His word and mark and laura's message, i was able to go meet baby Thatcher. i was a little nervous about all the emotions that i might feel while i was there. i didnt want to freak eric an whitney out by asking too many questions, or crying, or whatever might happen. i told myself to take it easy and just prayed for wisdom and discernment. the last time i was in a NICU i was hanging out with Jaxton and lisa and josh. to say that it brought back a few emotions would be an understatement! this NICU was so different than Jaxton's room, so that was kinda weird, but good for me at the same time. i got to have some really good conversations with sweet whitney and eric. i was also able to just pray over baby Thatcher for a long time. robin and i were there for almost 4.5 hours...it went so fast and i felt a little bad having stayed so long. Thatcher had an ok night. he "destated" several times, especially during his feeding and one major one as they adjusted his cpap machine. major meaning he was not breathing at all for several seconds, was completely blue, and his stats were not at a good level. sometimes he destats because even though he is breathing, he is not getting good breaths. sometimes it has to do with his reflux issues, and sometimes they are not sure why he stops breathing. Thatcher is already a miracle baby. to see him pulling his neck up and fighting with his mom is cute in a way. he can grip her finger and move his tongue all around his pacifier. he can open his eyes and make little noises...all of this they were told he would never do! as i watched whitney and eric last night, i could tell they were living the hannainee. in their darkest hour, they are trusting God to use them. they are trusting God to use their son. there are several other babies and families in the same NICU pod and they all know Thatcher as the miracle. they are all watching to see what God does next in his little body to show that He is in control. i prayed on the way home for encouragement for whitney and eric. i know those days can be very hard and very long. i know that it is not easy to live the hannainee, but they are, and they are doing it well! 

please continue to pray for Thatcher. he is making some strides, but his little body is still so confused about some major things. please pray for more answers and a clear plan of action. please pray that he will be able to successfully make the switch from cpap to nasal cannula. please pray for medicine to help with seizures that are not too much sedation for the rest of his body. please pray for God to continue to do miracles in Thatcher's life to bring others to a relationship with Him. 

me and thatcher, 3 weeks and 2 days! he was up to 6lbs and 13oz last night!

i hope that as we are getting ready for easter you are saying Hannainee, here I am!

blessings, ALo

ps. i will blog more about it later, but i am surviving on the hormones. peter may not agree, but whatevs! :) thanks for the encouragement!!