Tuesday, May 17, 2011

One Small Request

Lord, please dont let it be raining tomorrow from 6:30pm until about 8pm!

for real...i am already overwhelmed emotionally having this "final thing" for Charlotte and the thought of it raining during our celebration gives me serious anxiety! today i was supposed to mow the grass...it hasnt been mowed since last wednesday because of rain...that didnt happen because of rain. so, heads-up, if you are coming tomorrow to release balloons the grass will be long! sorry! i think that there are a lot of people with this problem around here. i guess there is not much that i can do about it. grant has been helping me clean up the house today and i have done some serious baking. it is kinda nice to have some stuff to do so that i dont get overwhelmed thinking about Charlotte today. the last few days have been super rough for me. i dont know what i am supposed to be feeling and usually there is a wide range from sadness to disappointment to jealousy and a few other emotions, but mainly the ones mentioned. i dont want to be having this thing (i dont really know what to call it) tomorrow. i want to be holding my sweet baby, want to watch her sleeping, want to take pictures when she first opens her eyes after a sleep. i wish my friends were traveling from out of state to meet Charlotte, not say good-bye!!!! i dont want my mom to release butterflies at her house with friends and family...i want my mom to be out buying baby clothes to bring her grand daughter. i know that our time is coming and when it does things will be so sweet and so special, but until then this all sucks! i hate keep up a brave face some days. so, today i am sitting here, with cupcakes in the oven, crying.  i stood outside while pulling some weeds with tears running down my cheeks.

tomorrow will have so many emotions. please pray for me, for strength to get through it with some sort of grace. please pray that the grey weather clears off for a few minutes...at least no rain...here or in michigan. please pray that i will not set my expectations for myself or others too high. pray that i will draw close to God's promises and to my sweet husband. this is very hard for each of us individually and as a couple.

Psalm 33:20-22 "We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 39: 4-7 "Show me, LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." 

Job 1:20-22 "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: 'Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."


blessings, ALo


  1. My thoughts are consumed with you today. Love you~

  2. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. If it rains or not, Charlotte's memory will be honored! love you and peter a ton.