Thursday, June 14, 2012

What I Am Learning

i didnt really know how to prepare myself for camp. i mean, within my job, i was ready! and as far as belongings go...i always pack more than i really need to. but spiritually, i was a little unsure. the few weeks leading up to camp, i had really let some things slip in my walk with God. i blamed it on being busy, and not home, and preparing for camp. fact of the matter is, i had been letting myself run my own life and when things didnt happen the way i wanted to, i was getting upset with God. you would think that because i spend most of my days teaching students how to live God filled lives, that i would have this all figured out. well, i still struggle. and the few weeks before camp were a big struggle.

the day we left for camp, i started my cycle...3 days early!! what??? i was so upset! partly because that i meant i had to deal with all of that stuff at BEACH camp, partly because that meant my medicines did not work they way we wanted (my cycle was way too short) and partly because i knew that was going to mess everything up for this month. i will now be at high school beach camp (without peter) the days we are supposed to be trying. so, i went to camp being a little frustrated, wondering why God did not answer my prayer again.

my the time i actually got to camp, i did not have to even think much about my cycle and all that goes with that. i was too busy helping students with all the crazy things that happen at camp (with parents 4 hours away). one of those said things happened saturday afternoon, day 3 of camp. one of our students ALMOST severed his finger when it got slammed in a metal door. for 6 hours, i was hanging out with matthew as we tried to find a place to help him. eventually the ER was the right choice. two broken places in his index finger and 7 stitches later, we were on our way back to camp. before getting to the ER, matthew and i were both disappointed that we were missing our free time. free time is the time when i get to hang with students with no agenda other than getting to know them and encourage them. missing that at camp is huge! so, 6 hours in the ER is not helpful! but wouldnt you know God had a much bigger plan for us that day.

after about 4 hours together, matthew started asking me some very pointed questions about the difference between religion and a true relationship with Christ. we talked about what it means to dedicate you life to Christ, about what it means to have pride, but not be prideful. so many good questions, seemingly out of left field. when we go back to camp, we were just in time for the message. our camp speaker talked that night about truly living for God, about having a true relationship with God and really knowing Him. at the end he invited students to accept Christ and those that had done that for the first time to stand up. MATTHEW STOOD UP!!! i just started crying. i knew that our time together that day was all planned out. that God knew exactly what He was doing by having us miss our free time that day. by far, the best time spent at camp last week, was the time i spent with matthew in the ER.

i still felt like God was trying to teach me something, as i continued to process things over the last few days at home i have come to a few realizations. i realized that God is asking me to stop being so caught up in the future and what is or isnt going to happen next month. God is asking me to be thankful and pay attention to what He has for me in the here and now. conversations with students, dates with my husband, emails with parents, laughs with my co-workers. when i am more pre occupied with tomorrow, i miss what God has for me today. i know that this may sound so easy for some of you, but for me, this is a huge deal!

while driving yesterday with my friend, christie, i was talking about camp and what i was learning when another realization hit me. God made it very clear to me, that He does have a plan. i may not still know exactly what that is, but i have so much peace today about it. if i had found out i was pregnant at camp, i would have been so distracted by myself that i would never have been able to be a part of camp. most likely i would also not feel that great. God has placed me at COF and with these students. camp is a HUGE part of what i love about my job. it is not the right time for me to be pregnant. i still want it so badly, but i know God is telling me to wait. to be patient. to be thankful. to enjoy what i have with my husband, and these students, and my co workers. when the time is perfect, it will happen. so, i am praying that God continues to give me this peace!!

i was reading this morning (if you are on facebook with me, you already saw this) and was so encouraged by this little bit from larry crabb's book, shattered dreams (if you are on facebook with me, you already saw this):

  "There's never a moment in all our lives, from the day we trusted Christ till the day we see Him, when God is not longing to bless us. At every moment, in every circumstance, God is doing us good. He never stops. It gives Him too much pleasure. God is not waiting to bless us after our troubles end. He is blessing us right now, in and through those troubles. At this exact moment, He is giving us what He thinks is good."

i pray, no matter where you are, peaks or valleys, that you see God's blessings in your life. i pray that you are stopping to look around and not jumping too far ahead. please pray that i can continue to do the same!!! please pray that God continues to teach me as i go back to camp this weekend with the high school students! thanks for reading and caring enough to pray with me!!

blessings, ALo

1 comment:

  1. Ames- I am SO thankful for your post tonight... I too struggle with living in the moment. I am always looking at what I could have, whatcould be, and wondering, crying and praying on what I want and why I don't have it. Actually today and the past few days has been very hard for some reason. So thank you. I KNOW I need to focus on all the fabulous things in my life at the moment, but it is hard to do! So, from the bottom (& top) of my heart, Thank you for the reminder. It's nice to have.
    Love ya! :)