Good Friday?

i have aways wondered why we call today "good" friday. what makes it good? why is easter sunday not called good sunday instead? i mean, today is the day that Jesus was brutally tortured and murdered in front of friends and family and plenty of enemies. what was so good about the sin in my life that nailed Christ to the cross? whats good is when he rose from the dead, against all odds, and went on to Heaven to prepare a place for me. today, i do not feel good about what happened just over 2,000 years ago to pay the price for me.

this year, as i think about good friday, i cant help but think about mary. mary, Jesus's mom, had to watch her son be sentenced to death by crucifixion. she had to watch her beloved son, who had never done anything wrong, be beaten and bloodied to an unrecognizable pulp. she watched him get crowned with thorns and carry his cross to the hill where he was hung. she had to stand by while her son was asked to bear the sin of the world, including her own. i am sure that at that point she did not feel blessed to be Jesus's mom. in the beginning, before He was born, she questioned God's choice...i bet just over 30 years later she was still questioning God's ways. i cant imagine that there was anything good about that friday for mary as she became a mother with a deep loss. the good came sunday, when she (i assume) saw her Son ascend into Heaven.

did mary grieve the loss of Jesus after he went to Heaven? she knew for a long time, maybe before his birth, that he would have to take on the world's sin and die, so did she start grieving before He was born? did she pray, like Jesus in the garden, for God to change His mind, or did she know that this needed to happen so that mother and son could spend eternity together? there is never a good reason when someone looses a child, but is the loss of Jesus's life different? is it different to mary? so many questions.

i have been pretty emotional the last few days. partly just the normal grief, partly my selfishness wanting to have charlotte here with me...i had been looking forward to going to church this easter sunday in a cute, spring maternity dress, excited about her upcoming arrival in just a few weeks. i am also emotional as i reflect on what in my life put Jesus on the cross. a lot of that lies in my selfishness, or what happens when i act on the selfishness, at least. i have also been thinking about how i have been responding to life after loosing charlotte. after some deep, honest conversations with God, i have been reminded that i can not live my life always asking "what would charlotte think of her mom right now?" i have to live in response to the life and work on the cross of Jesus Christ. i have said that i want charlotte's life to be more than just a sad story, but i also have to allow God to direct my paths.

please pray that i will be open to how God is working in my life. like a friend said...i have to stop asking "why not?" and start asking "what now?" please pray that i can keep my self pity in check.

Isaiah 43:2,5 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you...Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.

Romans 6:8-11 "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:10-12 "I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

it is friday...but sunday is coming!

blessings, ALo