So Much

so much has happened in the last few days! if you read my blog then you have probably read my friend lisa's blog, which means you know that sweet jaxton husmann was born wednesday night! lisa had asked me while i was down in florida if i could come to indy to help her and josh at the hospital. i, of course, said quickly and with no hesitation that i would be there. i thought later about how being at the hospital could be somewhat difficult for me with the grief after loosing charlotte still raw and real. i started praying and God gave me such peace about being there for my friend in a time of need. i kept reminding myself of 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of sound mind". God does not want me to be afraid of life. He wants me to live life to the fullest and part of that is me helping and loving others with and through my deepest pain. i have been given so much peace over the last several weeks and i have seen God using my grief to impact and bring joy to so many other situations. going back to this week, lisa asked me to bake some goodies for the nurses that would be helping them at the hospital, so i baked 36 muffins, 18 mini loaves of bread, and 4 batches of snickerdoodle chex mix. peter also got the good end of that deal :) my house smelled so amazing and it brought me great happiness to be able to help lisa in this very practical way. from the time on monday that lisa told me the plan for wednesday, i started praying for God to prepare both my heart and my mind. i left the house wednesday early afternoon and took my time driving out (do you know how crazy the truckers on I-70 are??) making sure though that i was right on time. from the very beginning this hospital experience was so different from mine 6 weeks ago. my job after delivering the treats was to be lisa's blogger. her blog is read by literally thousands of people, which means that those thousands of people and more have been praying for jaxton. she wanted to make sure people near and far could keep up to speed on what was going on. i was touched when she asked me and honestly a little scared...her blog is awesome and very visually appealing! i gave the first update not long after i got to the hospital and made several posts throughout my visit there. i ended up staying until about 2pm yesterday afternoon. i was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. i only slept about an hour that morning partly because i just could not sleep. i also could not eat, which if you know me is not usual! i was just so anxious and the only thing that helped was to spend time in the Word and praying. however, at some point i started thinking too much on my own and started to let my thoughts wander to places that were not safe for me (does that wounds strange?). i told both myself and peter that throughout my new journey i would not allow myself to do something, hear something, or be somewhere that was not safe for me. that's how i knew it was time for me to leave. i feel very guilty about leaving my friend. i know that she understands (or will when she reads this) and i know that there really was nothing else that i could do to help her or josh. my heart felt and still feels so heavy for lisa. my heart still hurts, sometimes alot more than others, missing my sweet baby charlotte. but i know that God is working so much in each situation. God has so much planned for me and for lisa through the lives our sweet babies. God is working in the lives of so many people because of these little ones. thank you for all of you that have been praying for jaxton and for lisa and josh...keep it up!! (i actually just got off the phone with lisa, yes, in the middle of writing about prayer for them! she said that jaxton is doing well and she sounds awesome! so encouraging for me right now!) please keep praying for me, that i will be an encouragement in whatever way God wants to use me...pray that i will be open to God using me and charlotte's life story to spread His love. i am humbled by this thought and quite frankly it could terrify me if i listen to what satan wants me to! i wanted to end with a few things that i am thankful for. there is so much, but here are a few.

i am so thankful for friendship, in good times and bad my true friends are always here!

i am so thankful for opportunities that God is opening up for me in the very near future, more to come later!

i am so thankful for the men and women that choose to serve others in the medical field!

i am so thankful for my husband and his famous milkshakes, one of which i will enjoy now! :)

thanks again for all the prayers...keep them coming!

blessings, ALo