Momma's Pride and Joy

peter and i have been talking for the last year or more about getting tattoos, but didnt want to just go in without a plan. duh, its permanent!!! after we said good bye to charlotte jean, we knew what our tattoos were going to be...her name. it has taken us several weeks to decided where to put those tats and who was going to do them. we narrowed things down and took a referral from a friend to meet with an artist at truth and triumph tattoo in dayton. last tuesday night peter and i met with josh cook (aka cookie) to talk about what we were thinking and to nail down a time. we were referred to cookie because he specializes in letters/wording tattoos, in fact that is all he does now! that is how we knew he was our guy! the side story is that his dad was a professor of mine at cedarville...dr. cook, and he literally changed my perspective on life through making me both homeless and a refugee for a weekend each, thanks papa c!! so, anyway, we scheduled to go back to see cookie saturday at noon. the night before going in peter and i were talking about our tattoos, more about what we wanted and where. i told him that i had wanted her name on my left wrist weeks prior. i always knew that my tattoo would be on my left wrist because it is closest to my heart (in comparison to my right wrist). i had never asked peter which arm his tattoo would be on and when i did his answer made me cry...immediately! he said, "i want her name on my left arm because that is the arm i held her with." his sweet heart and sensitivity tore me up. the rest is pretty much the way you think it goes..we went in, went through the pain (yes it was bad, but totally worth it), and i again made my mom proud! just kidding...my mom hates tattoos! but just like i am her pride and joy i get to show off my pride and joy, charlotte jean, in tattoo form! :) here are a few pics to prove it!

these pictures include the whole process...the waiting room, cookie doin his thing, and the finished product! hope you think they are as awesome as we do! :) p.s. if you want to know how to get a hold of cookie for some work, let me know. he really did do awesome and he will now forever be remembered, not unlike his dad! :) i will for sure go back if i get another (mom, this is your warning)!! 

blessings, ALo

So Much

so much has happened in the last few days! if you read my blog then you have probably read my friend lisa's blog, which means you know that sweet jaxton husmann was born wednesday night! lisa had asked me while i was down in florida if i could come to indy to help her and josh at the hospital. i, of course, said quickly and with no hesitation that i would be there. i thought later about how being at the hospital could be somewhat difficult for me with the grief after loosing charlotte still raw and real. i started praying and God gave me such peace about being there for my friend in a time of need. i kept reminding myself of 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of sound mind". God does not want me to be afraid of life. He wants me to live life to the fullest and part of that is me helping and loving others with and through my deepest pain. i have been given so much peace over the last several weeks and i have seen God using my grief to impact and bring joy to so many other situations. going back to this week, lisa asked me to bake some goodies for the nurses that would be helping them at the hospital, so i baked 36 muffins, 18 mini loaves of bread, and 4 batches of snickerdoodle chex mix. peter also got the good end of that deal :) my house smelled so amazing and it brought me great happiness to be able to help lisa in this very practical way. from the time on monday that lisa told me the plan for wednesday, i started praying for God to prepare both my heart and my mind. i left the house wednesday early afternoon and took my time driving out (do you know how crazy the truckers on I-70 are??) making sure though that i was right on time. from the very beginning this hospital experience was so different from mine 6 weeks ago. my job after delivering the treats was to be lisa's blogger. her blog is read by literally thousands of people, which means that those thousands of people and more have been praying for jaxton. she wanted to make sure people near and far could keep up to speed on what was going on. i was touched when she asked me and honestly a little scared...her blog is awesome and very visually appealing! i gave the first update not long after i got to the hospital and made several posts throughout my visit there. i ended up staying until about 2pm yesterday afternoon. i was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. i only slept about an hour that morning partly because i just could not sleep. i also could not eat, which if you know me is not usual! i was just so anxious and the only thing that helped was to spend time in the Word and praying. however, at some point i started thinking too much on my own and started to let my thoughts wander to places that were not safe for me (does that wounds strange?). i told both myself and peter that throughout my new journey i would not allow myself to do something, hear something, or be somewhere that was not safe for me. that's how i knew it was time for me to leave. i feel very guilty about leaving my friend. i know that she understands (or will when she reads this) and i know that there really was nothing else that i could do to help her or josh. my heart felt and still feels so heavy for lisa. my heart still hurts, sometimes alot more than others, missing my sweet baby charlotte. but i know that God is working so much in each situation. God has so much planned for me and for lisa through the lives our sweet babies. God is working in the lives of so many people because of these little ones. thank you for all of you that have been praying for jaxton and for lisa and josh...keep it up!! (i actually just got off the phone with lisa, yes, in the middle of writing about prayer for them! she said that jaxton is doing well and she sounds awesome! so encouraging for me right now!) please keep praying for me, that i will be an encouragement in whatever way God wants to use me...pray that i will be open to God using me and charlotte's life story to spread His love. i am humbled by this thought and quite frankly it could terrify me if i listen to what satan wants me to! i wanted to end with a few things that i am thankful for. there is so much, but here are a few.

i am so thankful for friendship, in good times and bad my true friends are always here!

i am so thankful for opportunities that God is opening up for me in the very near future, more to come later!

i am so thankful for the men and women that choose to serve others in the medical field!

i am so thankful for my husband and his famous milkshakes, one of which i will enjoy now! :)

thanks again for all the prayers...keep them coming!

blessings, ALo

Wish I Could Do More

this feeling of wanting to do more has been very real to me, even more so since we lost Charlotte. if you read my blog, then you "know" my blogging friend lisa. lisa started having contractions this morning and has started the labor process. her doctor has sent her home to wait for more progress, but there are so many unknowns for lisa and her husband. i have been on my knees for baby jaxton for several months, praying that God would heal his tiny body. guys, we are coming down to the wire here...please pray that things would be miraculously different! please pray that jaxton would come out perfectly healthy! please pray that God would give lisa and josh peace over the coming hours/days until jaxton is here. please pray others would see God working and come closer to Him through the husmann's faith. i know that God is already working and He already knows what is going to happen. i am praying that we will like the outcome and not be disappointed or let down. i wish i could do more than pray in situations like this. i wish i could "fix it" and everything be ok! my faith has grown so much through my friendship with lisa...she is an incredible woman of faith and i am expecting God to show up and deliver a miracle for her!

PLEASE PRAY FOR JAXTON AND FOR THE HUSMANN FAMILY!!!

i will be going out to indy when "it is time". pray i can be a good support to lisa! i will update when i can!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from old." Psalm 25:4-6

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrews 11:1,2,6

"Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from Him anything we ask, because we obey His commands and do what pleases Him. And this is His command: to believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and to love on another as He commanded us." 1 John 3:21-23

blessings, ALo

Selfish

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
and if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my toys to break...
so no other kids can use 'em. Amen" Shel Silverstein

selfish. that is a hard word to hear about yourself. i work hard to not be selfish. i love to give gifts, but do i like to share? is there a difference? i am blessed, beyond belief!! blessed in all aspects of my life and i do not want to be selfish! but honestly, sometimes i am. i am trying to combat my selfishness by being openly thankful for my blessings.

i am thankful for forgiveness of sin!
i am thankful for my incredible husband, i would be lost without him!
i am thankful for sunny days and the warmth on my face!

blessings, ALo

Prayer

God, thank you for making my life less about the tragic situations and more about the love that you have for me. thank you for showing me Your love in more than one way so that i wont forget. God, i more than appreciate the grace that You have shown me, for even in my sin You loved me and saved me. i know that i have been angry about loosing charlotte, please do not take that anger and frustration personally. i am sad that i didnt have more time with her, but i know that You know best, for both of us! God, please continue to shape my heart and mold me into the daughter you want me to be...remind me that i am not full grown yet and need to lean on You for strength and guidance. Lord, please do not allow me to feel the pull of the world, but to be transformed by my mind and then my actions will follow. do not allow me to fall into the temptations of this world to numb myself, but lead me to the peace and comfort that only You can give. please continue to show me that there is more to be concerned with in this life than myself. thank you for the encouragement that i have found in Your Word, please let that be my desire long after this pain subsides. God, i praise You for Who You are and what You are doing! God, i am truely trying to appreciate all that i have been given, the good, bad and ugly... just be patient with me! i love you!

Something's Missing

aside from the obvious, my life has been missing pictures! i have been so horrible at taking pictures the last year or more. i know that i have an impeccable memory and i am one of those people that when i think of memories i see things in snapshot view. i think that because of this i usually forget about pictures. wednesday night/thursday i went to indy to see my best friend from college and to meet my new blogger buddy. i took no pictures during the mandatory best friend late night chat, no pics of my best friend's HUGE baby bump (she is due in 2 weeks, which means any day!), no pics at all during my day and a half with the bestie. while i was in indy i was able to meet up with the one and only lisa that i talk about on here almost weekly. meeting was a little like a blind date. i knew the blogging lisa but had never met the live lisa (by the way it was only awkward for about 2.5 seconds). i had been excited to meet lisa for a few weeks, she has been an incredible source of encouragement as she and her hubby anticipate meeting jaxton in 19 days. jaxton has trisomy 13. we have been praying that God show up in a BIG way in the health department for jaxton. lisa, mack (my bff) and i met at a starbucks and didnt move from our seats for over 2 hours. it was so awesome and i was so sad to go. of course again, i took no pics!!! i mean, seriously?? even lisa commented on it later. please pray for the husmann family...the labor and delivery, decisions about care for jaxton after birth, opportunities to share their faith with the doctors and nurses, and special time as a whole family.this family has become a special part of my life, please pray for them. if you have been reading my blog then you also have seen links to my friend elizabeth's page. today elizabeth and i went wig shopping. typically that sounds like an outing that would be fun and goofy. today was pretty much all business. e is starting chemo on the 21st and will loose her hair not long after. as her friend (and her stylist) i wanted to go and help her, even just by being there. we were successful. i dont have pics to share but we did try to have a little fun with it. please pray for the whole koproski clan (1 dad, 1 mom, 3 kids, and 1 crazy dog) as elizabeth starts the chemo journey. please pray that God helps e with the feelings of doubt and uncertainty, pray that the kids can handle all that is changing at home, pray for wisdom for all the health professionals that the treatments will be effective!! i have been so blessed by these three women (mack, lisa, and elizabeth) and i am glad that we were able to spend time together even when they are all facing so much in the next few weeks. the last picture that i am wishing i had, regretting that i dont have, is a picture of me holding my sweet baby charlotte. the day we said goodbye went so fast and so emotional that i didnt even think about it. i wish i had one of our little family of three. i appreciate the two pictures of charlotte that we have but i wish there were more, lots more, but especially one of my baby and me together. i guess this is where my snapshot view of events past will have to come into play. please pray that i will let that be enough, that i wont beat myself up for not having the pictures. i know that i cant reverse time, but sometimes it sure would be nice!!!

thank you for praying for me and for my friends...i know that we all have stuff in our lives that we have to deal with and that we are asking for prayer about. if you are like me than you consider it an honor to be able to pray specifically for others in need. so, thank you for doing that for me and for lisa and for elizabeth!

blessings, ALo

The Change...

i know that it has been just over a week since i changed my hair color. i am sorry that it has taken me so long to post a few pics. to be totally honest i have not been doing much with myself each day. on the upside, i am saving serious cash by not doing my makeup everyday :) sorry if you have had to look at me! so, i am not kidding when i say that i have looked like j.beiber...no makeup and sweat pants/sweat shirt and my grown out hair...good thing my hair is dark or we could have a paparazzi issue right here in jamestown! :)

i wanted to post a shout out to my sweet cousin ashlyn. she is a senior at baylor university, which means that she is super busy!! regardless, ashlyn (aka birdie, at least to me she still is!) takes time to text me a bible verse or a portion of some of her favorite worship songs every day. sometimes the text comes in the afternoon, sometimes they come VERY late a night (oh, to be a young college student again), but no matter when they are always what i need. last night the message came during a time when i was feeling a little overwhelmed by my emotions. it just goes to show that God is looking out for me and sends a reminder of His comfort when i need it most. so, thanks birdie, for using your faith and love for me as an encouragement and support when i need it most! love you!

now, for the long awaited photos :) some of you have been very persistent in asking for them!!

this picture is the day i told peter that we were going to have a baby! so, i know that my bangs are pulled back, but that is also the day i started growing it out.

this picture shows, for those that dont know me well, the haircut that i am (trying to) patiently grow out, the cut and color that brings me the clients...i want that girl with the mohawk. its NOT a mohawk, its a faux hawk, right mom?? :)

this picture is me today, literally. i am still rockin a headband! this is one of the few things i can fit into at forever21! :) color wise...a rich chocolate brown! today i have the sides pulled back into the headband so that i dont look like i have a mushroom on my head. i am getting there! sorry i dont have a picture with peter, but he is in bed sick :( he says that he loves this hair way better though. i know the saying usually goes "happy wife, happy life", but i try (sometimes) to listen to what he says :)

so i hope that you are all happy now!

today just pray that peter gets better! he tries not to complain too much, but nobody likes being sick.

please continue to pray from my friends elizabeth and lisa. both are facing big things this week at doctor appointments!!

blessings, ALo

A Change is a Comin'

i am spontaneous...or i try to be. i try to keep things fresh and new. lately my heart has felt unsettled...i feel anxious. good news is i start counseling this week :). part of it is the fact that i do not sleep well. my good friend told me not to numb myself with medication but to rely on the comfort that only Jesus can provide. i knew that she was right. my problems with sleep are much deeper than what a little pill can provide. i fall asleep, but i wake up because of dreams...usually bad, some times good. i am praying that talking through the emotions and gaining some good Godly advice at the same time will help me, in time! but in the mean time to help settle this need for change or something different, i did the only thing i really know how to do...i colored my hair! :) for the last year my hair has been been platinum...like white. i would use a purple shampoo and conditioner 2x a week to keep all yellow tones out. it was intense, but i loved it and i really loved my faux hawk haircut that went with it! when peter and i found out that we were pregnant i immediately started growing my hair out. i knew that with all the hormones and good nutrition and vitamins it would be the best time. plus i thought that even if my hair looked like crap while it was growing out it would be ok because i would have a really cute pregnant belly...that would be the focus, not my hair, when people were talking to me. as things have turned out, i am still growing my faux hawk out...i now have the justin bieber cut...ugh! :) but...as the spontaneous person that i am and feeling like i needed a change i decided to forego the platinum and go with a chocolate brown, much to peter's delight! it is a big change and i do like it, but now two days later i am feeling restless again. i know that changing my hair color is not going to settle the emotions i struggle with and the feelings of unrest. i am praying today that i find my rest, both physically and emotionally, from the God that loves me. He has promised to be my Comforter, but i have been letting myself and my agenda get in the way of that. i am His and He will do as He has promised!

Psalm 38: 15 "For in You, O Lord, i hope, You will hear, O Lord my God."

Psalm 39: 7 "And now, Lord, what do i wait for? my hope is in You!"

Psalm 40: 1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord; and He heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth---Praise to to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord!"

blessings, ALo

ps. pictures to come later! sorry!!