Stinkin' Cramps

i have 'em. which means, well, you know what that means. i was super emotional yesterday...really disappointed. on top of the obvious, my cramps the last two days have been awful. i understand that this is all part of the curse (thanks, adam and eve), but sometimes it is just a little overwhelming.

last week on wednesday, peter and i fasted. i think that i have only truly fasted one other time. i usually give up other things like t.v. or internet. not eating all day was not too bad until the end of the day. fasting was actually really good for me. i spent so much time in prayer. praying for peter, praying for our ministry at COF, praying for the missionaries that we support, praying for our marriage, praying for the students that i am around each week, praying for our family...so many things. peter and i are asking for God's wisdom on the next steps in all aspects of our lives. for me, i am specifically praying for patience in waiting for what God has for our family. i get so disappointed, even when i tell myself i am not going to. i get so frustrated, even though i tell myself i am not going to. oh...the vicious cycle i go through...thanks, satan! i am praying about that too...not allowing satan to have a foothold on my thoughts and emotions. i know that we all fight a daily battle with him...and lately i have allowed him to win more than he should. not this week!!

tonight, i have thought about Charlotte so much! last week we got an invitation in the mail from the hospital to attend a Christmas candle light service in remembrance of her. when i called to tell them that we had moved and would not be there, the chaplain asked how things were going and if i was expecting again. anyway....!!!! apparently they are going to send us an ornament that we would have received that night. Charlotte's first Christmas. i bet her celebration will be so awesome in Heaven...big birthday party for Jesus's earthly b-day!!! just typing this i cant event put down all that i am thinking and feeling. on one hand i am happy that she is in heaven, with a perfect body, no sickness, and praising her Creator. on the other hand, i so badly want her here. i want her to be here for our Christmas card pictures tomorrow night. i want to watch her "open" presents and scoot around on the floor by the tree. i want to experience all the baby's first Christmas stuff. so, not being pregnant yet, makes that even more upsetting sometimes.

there is a plan...i am more than confident of that! God is working in me and through me! tonight, i am holding steadfastly to that promise! praying that He makes His plans clear. wishing i could hear His audible voice...that would be helpful!! :)

thanks for praying with us!!

Merry Christmas! :) its never too early!!!

blessings, ALo