Not too bad

today i did something i was scared to do. i had been listening to satan telling me that i wasnt ready, that i couldnt do it. but in the end i was "fine". 

a few weeks back, one of my new friends here in houston confided me that she was pregnant. it was still very early on, so i was asked not to tell any one. (my friend has not been able to tell everyone yet, so for this post i will call her "friend"...all of this is done with her permission...dont worry!) so, anyway, friend is now most of the way through her first trimester and was scheduled for an ultrasound. when i saw her last night, with only her husband around, i stopped to see how things were going. she told me that she was set to have her first ultrasound today, but that she was going to have to go alone. friend moved here not too long ago and does not have family in the area. her hubby could not get off work, and someone else that she asked really needed to be at their job too. when i heard that, i heard myself saying "do you want me to go with you?" oh my. what did i just do? i knew that if our calculations were right, then friend would be very close to 12 weeks along, which would make this ultrasound the same one where we found out that something was wrong with our Charlotte. for whatever reason, i still felt like i was supposed to be there for and with friend. i have been praying for her ever since i found out she was pregnant. i know that if the roles were reversed, she would do the exact same for me. i was feeling pretty anxious when we pulled into the parking lot, but i prayed for peace from God and that i would be a comfort to friend. i didnt want to be a downer, but an encouragement. the ultrasound went great. friend was so excited and i was so excited for her!! the heartbeat was perfect...we called her hubby and left him a voicemail with the heartbeat...so cool. the baby looked good...nothing abnormal!!! perfect! the baby is measuring smaller than the first initial calculations, but that was not a surprise to the doctor. friend and her hubby were not "trying" to get pregnant, so calculations may be a little off :) the measurements said 10 weeks and 6 days, so not all of the tests (ie. nuchal translucency test) could be done. friend will have to go back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound. thankfully, she could schedule it for when her husband could go too!

i really have been dreading going back into an ultrasound room. there has been so much fear, disappointment, and sadness associated in those rooms for me. i am so glad that i was able to go today. i am thankful that friend let me be a part of this special day with her. i am so glad that i was not deceived by the devil into thinking i couldnt do it. i did think about Charlotte. i talked about her a lot. but, not just in sadness and fear. i was able to share my experience as an encouragement and was able to be helpful. i am so proud of who i am becoming because of my short time with my baby girl. i am stronger, wiser, more compassionate, and more hopeful. i am blessed to know that our Creator is working and blessing me, friend, and baby friend. 

my time will come again, hopefully soon, to carry another baby, but in the meantime i am ok with being the friend that gets to be a part of what God is doing in your lives! i am so thankful!

blessings, ALo