it's a girl!

i have been a little overwhelmed as of late and have not updated lately...sorry. ok, so if i talk about the facts it somehow feels less real. the facts from before have not really changed, we now have names for the disorder and details is all. the FISH test, which is part of the amniocentesis, found that our baby is a girl and that she is missing an X chromosome. this is what is contributing to all the problems that she is facing. the problem is not about the lungs, that is the result of the problem. the syndrome is called Turner Syndrome. to the knowledge of all my doctors and genetic counselors, no baby diagnosed with Turner's from conception (or before birth) has never survived. in fact, most pregnancies like this miscarry before the first trimester. so, basically, this is different than most Turner pregnancies making it hard know what will come next. my OBGYN, who i really like, told me that this is the first time in 15 years that he has ever seen this. he told me that the baby is basically experiencing congestive heart failure. the heart is beating, but not pumping fluid through the body like it should, which is why the fluid is building up in the chest and abdomen. the fluid is causing the lungs to not develop. the doctors are saying that the fluid will continue to stunt other organs or will stop developing as well. however, the baby will continue to grow and survive because the heart is still beating. my body is keeping the rest of things going, basically like life support. so, the outcome has not changed...there is still no chance of survival. the hard part is that the pregnancy could continue for a while, if not to term. yes, we are still praying for a HUGE miracle, but we also need to prepare for reality. it is hard to be normal, i am not sure what normal is right now. i am scared of something happening and not having peter there. i am sad i dont feel like i can be excited about much...this is no longer a "normal" situation. i hated hearing that there was no longer a 30% chance to carry and deliver a baby to bring home. so, the next thing is my appointment with my OBGYN. i will go every two weeks to check growth and the heartbeat.

those are the facts. but i know that my God is so much bigger than facts. even if things do not change for our baby, we know that we are not alone in any of this. God has been so close and comforting to peter and i over the last few weeks and especially the last few days. we just keep saying, God loves our baby so much more than we do and He is going to do what is best for her.

thank you for all the prayers and support and encouragement. i am not sure what to ask for other than patience, peace and health. we are so blessed beyond measure and we know that we are going to be more than ok through everything!

blessings, ALo