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i have been sitting with the computer open on my lap, trying to come up with something to write, for the last 40 min. my minds wanders...

its been ten days since my last post, and while i have been SUPER busy, i dont feel the need to write it all down and tell it all. work has been busy (crazy just before camp), home hair has been busy (just before summer vacations) and our social life is getting full (grad parties and parties before we scorch here in tx.). but today is one of "those days". i am not sure why i have had (what seems to be) more "off" days. maybe it is not more, i am just more sensitive. maybe it has something to do with hormones. maybe it has something to do with the time of year, i really dont know.

this morning we found out we are not pregnant again this month. i tell myself that i will not get too disappointed. that we are doing everything that we can each month. that there is nothing more that we can do right now. but, i think that is why i do get upset. because we are doing everything we can. that there is nothing more that we can do right now and it still is not happening. this morning i cried and prayed. i asked God to show me something today that would encourage me. i prayed that He would give me peace in the midst of uncertainty. i prayed that i would give up this "we" notion and rest more in Him.

so, i have been sitting outside. watching. thinking. praying. waiting. it is nice here today...not too hot or humid (at least not when the outside fan is on!). i have seen some beautiful butterflies visit our tree with purple blooms. i have seen some little birds. i have felt the breeze. all reminders that God is creating life and still in control. reminders that it is not all about me and my plans.

**side note: i am tired of hearing from people (who usually do not understand and/or have 3+ kids) that it will happen in God's timing. I KNOW THAT, but that does not always make me feel better!

ok, back to me sitting here... :)

the butterflies love this tree today!

this is called a butterfly bush. love it!

i still think of charlotte when i see butterflies, and i think of the awesome ceremony my mom held in memory of Charlotte this time last year with butterflies. it has been encouraging to see (at least 6) butterflies while i have been sitting out here this afternoon. another reminder that God loves me and wants to encourage me. to keep me going...!

hope you find some encouragement to keep you going today!


blessings, ALo