Strange

oh, hello...yes, i know i have been a stranger. im a new mom of twins. well, not that new anymore. the girls will be 6 months tomorrow! but everything that happens is new to me. the last two months have been beyond full! we have traveled, camped, baked, shopped, picked up the home hair business again, volunteered, did an overnight with no babies...we have done so much, everything but blog. but if you follow me on instagram or Facebook then you know all of that already.

this weekend was a big weekend for us. the twins were dedicated to the Lord at church! it was strange. not strange in how things happened, or what happened. strange for me emotionally. i have wanted this day for so long. i have dreamed about this day for years. before charlotte was born, baby dedication days at church were always one of my favorites. i loved seeing the babies and little children fidgeting in their parents arms while the parents and pastor prayed over them. i loved seeing the emotions play out on the moms face as she committed to honor God in her child rearing, to help that child grow in a relationship with the Lord. i loved seeing the daddy stand there so proud of his family, yet so humbled by what God had given their family. then, after charlotte was born and up until my twins were born, i could not sit through a baby dedication service without gripping peter's hand, without crying tears of sadness and jealousy and pain. i would put my head down, not able to even look at the families. one time i faked an illness so as not to sit through a baby dedication. that may sound extreme, but i was hurting...deeply. so, now we have our twin babies here. we signed up for the saturday night service dedication as soon as we heard about it (i had somehow missed the dedication in the spring, on mothers day!). as the weekend was getting closer, and i started planning our schedule/events for the weekend around dedication i couldnt help but start to think about Charlotte (a little more than i do on average). thinking about our time with her. thinking about how we had given her to God from the moment we knew about her, just like we did with the twins. i thought about my dear friends don and marcie solin coming to pray with us as soon as charlotte was born. so saturday i was a little emotional, missing having charlotte there as we got ready for a big day in the life of our family. missed getting to dress her up in a sweet dress to stand in front of a congregation to say that we were blessed because of her. just emotional. i was honest with a few people, so as not to get overwhelmed and then get REALLY emotional. yikes! but then as i stood at the front of the worship center, i felt this peace. it was strangely unexpected. as my friend robin sang a sweet song and pastor mark prayed over our family, i felt a sense that God is still healing us but also peace knowing that my sweet girl will always be a part of our celebrations because she will always be in our thoughts and will always have her special place in our family. as we walked off after the dedication my heart broke seeing familiar tears on a woman's face. here i was, heart full of joy and peace, a feeling of excitement and pride and gratefulness, walking with my two beautiful daughters and husband, but then being stricken with the knowledge and understanding that this young woman was having a hard time being excited for me. i wanted to stop and hug her, tell her that i understand, tell her that God sees those tears. but i didn't, i couldnt. no way! its so strange because i remember when people would do that to me/for me. it doesnt help!! so i prayed for her, for her family. i felt strange feeling both sides...remembering just a year ago being right where she is. i am praying for her now. praying that God gives her the desires of her heart...soon! but i continued to walk out and we celebrated God's faithfulness with friends at dinner after church...we sure do love to eat! :)

so, that was a lot of words for what happened in just one day. :) i am so blessed by my girls. they really are the sweetest babies. yes, we have our moments each day where i wonder if God knew what He was doing giving me two at the same time. we have our times where i actually scream right along with the girls, usually its just the three of us and they arent big enough to tell on me, yet! i have plenty of strange moments...feeling like i live in some type of parallel universe...like, is this even real??!!?? but i am assuming most people feel that way when it comes to parenting, or life with children, or just life in general. but through it all, even in the times i really miss charlotte, i feel so blessed to be claire and annabel's mom. i am grateful that God gives me exactly what i need to get through each day. i am humbled by His goodness and i am thankful for His peace!

God, please help me. give me the wisdom i need to raise my children to do Your will. help me to teach them Your ways, not mine. give me the words to encourage them. God, please protect my babies from harm and direct them towards you. i give them to you, today and every day. thank you for blessing me with them. i love you more because of them. God, please help me!

here are a few pics. the gorgeous dresses and bibs came from my very sweet (and very southern, hence the monograms) precious friend, morgan. and the cute socks are from a generous friend in michigan, miss jane! thanks so much ladies for decking my girls out...i am biased but i think they were the best dressed this weekend!! :) here are just a few pictures (i took over 150!!!)

Pastor Mark praying for our babies and family

just waiting in the lobby

annabel was all geared up!

claire was hungry, but made it through

mark and laura have been praying for our family for two years! so blessed by them!!

hard to get a good one of all 4 of us, but we try!

curious claire...so sweet

she has started to embrace tummy time

annabel was pretty happy about being at home

oh my.

"claire, mom said to keep your legs down!"

look at those pursed lips of claire's! so many expressions from her! they like to be near each other...holding hands, rubbing feet, bumping heads. its so cute!!

lol

just give me my space and stop taking your clothes off!! :)

blessings, ALo