Wake Me Up

i had a horrible dream last night. see, i am one of those people that has several dreams each night and i can wake up and remember them with very specific details. peter thinks its strange since he is the opposite. he knows that he dreams, but can rarely remember much about them when he wakes up. i have tendencies towards bad dreams...it think it is a way that the devil gets a foothold in my life. i must be somehow allowing him to continue, because it keeps happening. i need to pray specifically against bad dreams before i go to bed each night.

i wont give you all the long, drawn out details of the dream. but i have been thinking about it all day, it was that disturbing to me. i just told lisa (through text) about it...she probably thinks i am crazy. and i just told peter about the whole thing as i was telling lisa...he knows that i am crazy. i even started crying again retelling it because it just seemed so real and i could not stop it. i dreamt that i went into labor with the LOtwins, which turned out to be 2 boys (give me a few weeks for the real reveal). apparently, something went wrong during delivery because the next thing i knew i had been put completely under and woke up in some strange recovery house across from the hospital. i couldnt understand why i didnt have my boys there with me, so i quickly headed over to the hospital. when i got there i was told that i could not see them because they were very sick and were being "worked on". i fought and cried and screamed and still no one would help me. then peter walked around the corner with bill's donuts (my fav. place in ohio...must be having a craving in my sleep) and i asked why the heck he was not with the boys. he said "they wont let us in and i knew you would be hungry!" (i had bill's donuts just after Charlotte was born too). i said: no, no, no...we have to go in there, they need us...i dont care about donuts, i just want my babies. he said: i know but we cant. we will just have to wait and see, but there are no promises, here eat the sprinkled one, its your favorite. i looked at him in horror then i was screaming and crying. finally, peter woke me up. crazy!! i was sweating so badly! i was terrified. i rarely let myself think about the "what ifs", but apparently my dreams remind me that there is still a possibility of things not going well again. i am not writing all of this to sound crazy, or anything else...just telling you how i am processing some things still. i told peter that i know i am crazy, but i am honest in talking about my fears and concerns and everything else...like any normal person who has been in my shoes has had.

in our prayers together at night, peter and i have begun praying for our children...that they will grow up to be Godly, faithful followers of Jesus. that they will be healthy and strong and smart (and some athletic drive would be nice) :) we prayed for their spouses the other night, that they too would be followers of Jesus and be a perfect mate for our child. we have also prayed that things like my nausea would not be too bad, or that i would wake up without the headache i go to bed with. tonight we will be adding that my dreams will be pleasant, not disturbing emotional roller coasters from the devil! hopefully last night will be the last one! ugh...

in other news...i go for my next appointment and ultrasound the end of the week. be looking for new baby pics on friday!

blessings, ALo