Saturday, November 8, 2014


timehop, you get me every time. usually my posts from a year ago are little twin pics. 2 years ago i was posting pregnancy cravings and twin prego pics. 3 years ago i was blogging a lot! 4 years ago my little bro was living with us, so that was always interesting. 5 plus years ago, i was working like crazy on building my clientele and busy being a wife to my hunk. (ps. if you don't know what timehop is...its an ap that connects with your social media outlets to give you a recap of what you posted exactly that day a year ago all the way back as far as you posted).

two weeks ago on timehop i saw my first post about "babyLo"...i announced our pregnancy with Charlotte. the thursday before my 28th birthday i heard her heart beat for the first time. i was 8 weeks pregnant. i was elated, over joyed!! nothing was "off". peter and i left that appointment with tears in our eyes bursting to tell the world.

today i got this on my timehop: "annoyed...didnt get to have the ultrasound bc the highway was shutdown while we were on it! not cool!!" looking back i remember being so disappointed. we were glad that we were safe...the highway was shut down due to a fatality, but we had been gearing up for this other first with our first. now, i know that God gave me another week of the joy. the next week we went in for the ultrasound and our world changed forever.

you know the rest.

usually i love timehop. i wonder though if i should just not look for a few months to spare myself the emotional roller coaster it may put me on. the last time we..., the day we found out..., God why..., all of the things that i posted in fear, pain, grief.

its amazing all that has happened in the last 4 years. i am not sure that i would even recognize that young woman from 4 years ago. i wonder if i would be anything like i am today if it were not for our short time with Charlotte. would we live where we live? would i know what i know about life? would i love my hubby the way i do today? most likely no. while i often look back over those few months with sadness and grief, but i have been blessed...richly, abundantly, beyond measure. i was broken, beyond human repair. but God has used me. God has healed me. God has brought me back...beyond where i ever could have gone without my time with Charlotte. my whole life was turned around and i can't be sad about that. i miss Charlotte, some moments more than others, but i know she's holding my spot for me in heaven...i can't wait!!

so, heres to the silly posts of 5+ years ago, the emotional and grief stricken of years 3-4 (ago), the excited and weird posts of 2 years and the adorable ones from last year. time passes much too quickly so i will relish the times and thank God for each of them...a reminder that "(His) love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me"-Jesus Culture.

tonight i will sleep and probably dream of my angel girl...i think her hair is the same color as the twins by the way...thats what it is in my dreams.


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