im a momma

i never knew, i never could have imagined, what it would be like to be a momma. to say its the greatest, and scariest, feeling ever is a huge understatement! i became a mother when i had Charlotte, but being a momma...a true care taker...doing the daily ins and outs of motherhood, has been a whole new experience. and thankfully one that i adore so far!

you know the phrase "always a bridesmaid, never a bride". for a long time i wondered if i would always be an aunt, never a momma. God has made all of my dreams come true in the form of curious Claire Mackenzie and sleepy Annabel Marie. 

one of the most amazing things happens when the girls are upset, especially claire. all i have to do is say in a soothing voice, "Claire, its momma. im right here. you are ok" and she calms right down. just the sound of my voice, even from across the room, and her whole demeanor changes. it melts my heart each and every time!! 

seeing their sweet daddy with them also makes me melt. i dont even know the right words to use to describe all that i see in peter when he is with his babies. he is more that supportive and does more than "his share" of the duties. i rarely have to ask him to do something. he changes diapers, makes and cleans bottles, helps with the late night feedings, and just loves to cuddle his daughters. to hear him praying for them and for our family has helped me fall even more in love with him...something i didnt know i could do. 

our family of four is doing great. yes, i am up every two hours at night, but thankfully the girls are both good eaters and good sleepers making the early hours a little more bearable. they are both getting big...well bigger. i know in pictures they look like every other "average" sized baby, but they are just little peanuts! as of monday at the doc appointment, Claire weighed in at 4lb 15oz and Annabel was 5lb 6oz. they have had lots of visitors and great meals from so many people here in texas. grandma loeser (peter's mom) has been here just over a week and will be here until the 28th. its so nice to have so much help and love for our little sweets!! 

i am doing pretty good. by the end of the pregnancy (friday, the day before delivery) i was up 44 pounds total. my feet and ankles and legs were so full of fluid it hurt to do much. my skin on my belly hurt and itched from stretching (with plenty of marks to prove it) and my heartburn was a permanent fixture. pretty much as soon as i delivered, all of those things started to resolve themselves. while i still have the stretch marks, all of the fluid in my legs has dissipated. i have lost 43 pounds as of today...what??!!?? i still itch, but its a different itch, a side effect of the spinal block (i have scrathed my legs raw in some places...its driving me crazy!). praying (very hard) that it goes away soon! i am feeling pretty good, but still try not to over do it. my scar is still fresh after all.

i am blessed. i have TWO healthy (and adorable) babies. i have an awesome hubby who is my perfect partner in parenting, i am recovering well and my health is basically back to normal. i am blessed because i am finally a momma!!! i just cant stop saying it...it all seems unreal at times! there are things that i could complain about, but i am choosing to cherish the sweet times i have right now with my family with out focusing too much on the "hard parts"... after all, I AM (finally) A MOMMA!!!!

thank you, God, for these children that we have prayed for!!!

Claire

Annabel

Annabel

Claire

They like to nap together. Claire on left, Annabel on right

Claire needed to cuddle for a bit after her bottle, this taken while blogging. :)

blessings, ALo

Claire Mackenzie and Annabel Marie

THEY ARE HERE!!!!

i can not believe that i have not posted anything over the last few weeks. if you have been trying to follow along, im sorry you have been left hanging. unless we are friends on Facebook/twitter/instagram, you would have no idea. "my" laptop had to be turned in when i resigned from my job, and our home computer pretty much completely crashed that same week.

so, the quick version goes like this: after that 33 week appointment (last post) my blood pressure was all over the map at pretty much any given point. i would have really good days and really bad days. of course, it just so happened that each time i would have a doctors appointment, i usually had a bad day. i was asked to stay for observation 3 times. those stays always involved a 24 hour urine test to see if there was a certain protein in my urine that would be indicative of pre eclampsia. there was one visit (at 34 weeks) that peter and i took ourselves to the hospital because i was having regular contractions. turns out it was not true labor and we were sent home, but not before a 24 hours test :). in the end, peter and i met up for my bi-weekly appointment with dr. todd on friday march 8. my blood pressure was very high (no surprise to us) and we were admitted. at the end of another 24 hour test and no eating or drinking for over 9 hours, dr. todd came in on march 9 and gave us the option to deliver that night (saturday) or sunday morning. we chose right then...we were tired of all the back and forth, plus i had already not eaten...what was a few more hours? dr. todd thought the girls were ready and based on an ultrasound from friday, told us to expect 6.5-7lb babies, pretty big for 35 weeks and 3 days!!!

on saturday, march 9 at 8:02pm, Claire Mackenzie Loeser was born, weighing 4lb 11oz and 18 inches long.

on saturday, march 9 at 8:04pm, Annabel Marie Loeser was born, weighing 5lb 9oz and 19.5 inches long.

thankfully, the girls came out doing great. they were smaller than what the ultrasound predicted (no surprise there), but were very healthy! they were breathing great on their own and showed no signs of needing assistance. they did go to NICU for the first night for observation and to "be safe"...after all, they were twins and born late term pre mature. unfortunately for me, things didnt go quite as i had planned in my head. dont get me wrong, i had two healthy beautiful babies, but because of my BP issues and because i have amazing doctors who are cautious, i was unable to spend much time with the girls until 6pm sunday night. i was taken to antipartum instead of postpartum to have medicine to control my BP (although it was stable after delivery). i was not allowed to leave my room, and the girls were not able to leave theirs. so, outside of seeing them for 5 min between my move from recovery to antipartum, i did not see them...just a few pics and videos peter and other visitors would show me. BUT all things considered, i am so blessed!! i have said several times over the last few weeks, we make plans so that we can change them!

the great news is that after the normal 4 days after c-section stay in the hospital we came home all together as a family of four! in fact, we could have left after 3 days, but we opted for the extra day to adjust to being parents with the nursing help if needed. how many 35 week twins can go home 3 days after delivery??!!??

after being home for a few days, i am so happy to say that we are all doing fantastic! we are TOTALLY in love! i have the cutest baby girls (no bias there), they are good eaters, amazing sleepers, and all around perfect!

they do not really look anything alike and we can already tell they are going to have unique personalities...its so fun! they also have their daddy wrapped around their little, tiny finger! peter has been an amazing dad from the get go, and this week he has really stepped up his game. i feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have him as my partner in parenthood (more on this later).

for tonight, i will leave you with the above...maybe i will share more later...like my c-section experience...not at all what i thought it would be. and of course i will have to really tell you how life at home is going. please feel free to follow me on the social media sites...there have been some really cute pics of my sweets added over the last week. geesh...my babies are a week old already!!! but, in case you dont want to do that, here are just a couple.

first day! top is Claire (baby a) bottom is Annabel (baby b)

taking a snooze on daddy's lap in the hospital. Claire on the left, Annabel on the right

i am one tired momma, but soooooo happy! (day 3) Annabel on left and Claire on right

finally at home! Claire on left, Annabel right

one week old at the newborn photoshoot. peter loves his new job! Annabel on the left, Claire on the right

cant believe they have been here a week! Annabel on left, Claire on right

thanks for all the prayers and support and encouragement for peter and me and our girls. we really could not be more blessed or more thankful for all that God has given us in the form of these amazing little people!

blessings, ALo